“I’m gonna shit in your oven”
NORWALK – A home health care worker is under arrest after police say she left feces in her former employer’s oven and refrigerator. Police say she did it because she was angry that she got laid off. Fiona Clarke, 40, cared for an elderly woman on New Canaan Avenue, but declined to work more hours, police said. When the woman’s family hired another health worker, Clarke was apparently unkind to the new employee and was fired. Losing a job stinks, but police say Clarke took it to another level, allegedly leaving feces wrapped in a towel and placed inside the woman’s fridge and oven. A family member found the fecal matter after noticing a foul smell. Police say Clarke initially denied everything but they had enough evidence to issue a warrant for her arrest. She then turned herself in last week. She is charged with third-degree criminal mischief and breach of peace.
Well thats just about the greatest “fuck you” I’ve ever seen. You know the hassle you gotta go through to shit in a towel and place it in the oven and the fridge? You gotta be committed to that revenge. Gotta get a towel, place it on the floor, squat strategically and aim your shit directly on the towel. Then you gotta do that again so you have your second turd bomb. And then you gotta be willing to carrying two poop filled towels to the oven and the towel. Just vicious dedication to ruining that family’s day. Personally I think you gotta just shit in their pillow case. It cuts out one or 2 steps and is much worse than just finding a towel full of shit when you go to cook dinner.
Just in general though I have a strange respect for people who actually pull off these stunts when they get fired. Literally every person who’s ever had a shitty job (pun intended) has joked about shitting on or inside something on their way out the door. “I’ll tell you what man! If I ever get fired, I’m gonna shit on his desk first!” “When I quit I’m gonna shit in the elevator as I leave. That’ll show them!” In reality you always just walk out with a cardboard box full of crap thinking “Fuck, man. I wish I didn’t get fired.” So I tip my cap to the lunatics that take the time to shit in a towel and strategically place poop bombs all over the house as a big “fuck you” to your former employer. That takes a certain level of dedication and commitment to spite that I don’t think many of us have.