Barstool Sports

Gothamist - Today a new website called GNTLMN launched, and unlike the Dollar Shave Club, ladies can enjoy it, too. Founders Wesley Verhoeve and Kyle MacDonald introduced the project with a letter stating, in part, “We believe that reviving the lost art of dressing, behaving and thinking like a gentleman benefits ourselves and the world around us.”

BAR ETIQUETTE: Always be polite to your bartenders and waiters. This includes properly tipping them. Properly tipping means 20%, not 10%. Protesting this doesn’t make you frugal, it makes you cheap. The recession affects everyone, so don’t give the staff a double hit. Not only does tipping well come back to you tenfold when waitresses recognize you as a regular, it’s also the decent thing to do even without the karmic consequences. Related: there is no bigger turn-off than having an attitude with waiting staff. Finally, staff will always have the last word (or loogie).

DATE NIGHT: Whether it’s a night of singer-songwriters at Rockwood Music Hall, a jazz gig at Iridium, or dancing to the indie sounds at Glasslands, make one of your first three dates with that interesting new lady or gent a live music night. Grab a bite or drink before to get some conversation in, and follow it up by enjoying each other’s company on the dance floor or quietly listening to beautiful lyrics together, and decipher their meaning afterwards with a nightcap.

READ: The answers to most questions lie within the written word; but be sure to read both sides of the story. Don’t only pick up and read the books that will impress people when they look at your bookshelf, but be sure to read about contrary opinions to truly find answers. Although it may take you out of your comfort zone, the only risks are either strengthening your current opinions or gaining a new perspective.

BE PREPARED: “Don’t get caught in the rain” isn’t only an ancient proverb. A gentleman needs to own a well-made umbrella. Whether it’s walking the streets of the city or to and from your car, bodega umbrellas don’t get the job done. Go the extra mile and purchase something well crafted – preferably an umbrella made from a solid piece of a hardwood, like chestnut. The less moving parts, especially metals, the less likely it will be to stand up to the elements. (Howard Yount carries a fine selection of styles.)

FASHION: Be mindful when shopping for clothes. Rather than honing in on the latest trends, focus on a handful of timeless pieces that combine well. Try eBay, flea markets and second hand stores for some extra character that won’t break the bank, and visit Uniqlo, J. Crew and Steven Alan for some nice staples to pair them up with. As a side note we’ll list the situations in which square-toed shoes are appropriate to wear: 1. Never.*

“Being a gentleman.” What the fuck does that even mean? I’m pretty sure that means parading around like a high horse douchebag thinking you’re some knight in shining armor or some shit like that. Judging by the mantra of this GNTLMN webiste “We believe that reviving the lost art of dressing, behaving and thinking like a gentleman benefits ourselves and the world around us,” I’m pretty sure I’ll go against pretty much every recommendation they make. (Except tipping bartenders, I agree with that.)

DATE NIGHT: “Rockwood Music Hall, a jazz gig at Iridium, or dancing to the indie sounds at Glasslands.” Probably the three last places on earth I’d ever take a girl. I love dudes who do ridiculous shit on a first date and then comes the second date – what the fuck do you do then? You already set the bar at “jazz gig at Iridium.” What the fuck are you gonna do when you wanna just meet her at the bar and she’s expecting you to pull out your flute and dance on tables like Ron fuckin Burgandy? Date night to a “gentleman” sounds a lot like picking a swanky place you’d never ordinarily go to try and impress some broad. Sounds lame to me.

READ: “Although it may take you out of your comfort zone, the only risks are either strengthening your current opinions or gaining a new perspective” – Blah blah blah. I haven’t read a book in like 5 years. Last book I read was The Game and the only reason I read that was to try and fuck more girls. Before that it was 5 years earlier when I read the Da Vinci Code. Before that it was probably some shit written by Roald Dahl. Everything you need to know about today’s world is on Barstool Sports. Reading books is for the birds and people who look down on anyone who doesn’t read is an asshole of the highest order.

BE PREPARED: “Go the extra mile and purchase something well crafted – preferably an umbrella made from a solid piece of a hardwood, like chestnut.” Oh yea thats gonna make you gentle as fuck! Chestnut umbrellas! Thats the most gentle shit in the streets! Gimme a break. If you parade around with an expensive umbrella you’re either The Penguin from Batman or a dickhead. Just buy the piece of shit umbrellas for 5 bucks from the dude outside the subway each time it rains like a normal dude.

FASHION: ” Try eBay, flea markets and second hand stores for some extra character that won’t break the bank” – Go shopping at the Salvation Army with the homeless people, that’ll do it. That will make you a real man. Listen every single piece of clothing I own is from Banana Republic. Every. single. piece. I own two pairs of jeans, 5 million blue button down shirts, and 500 thousand solid color t shirts. Thats all you need in this world to dress like a normal dude.

I dunno. Maybe all this proves I’m not a gentleman? Maybe I ain’t gentle? Maybe I’m just a man? Boy? Child? I dunno. Don’t really care either. Only pieces of advice you need as a man is 1) Don’t be a douche 2) Don’t be arrogant 3) Be a little bit arrogant because chicks will fuck you 4) Be funny 5) Don’t make lists telling other dudes how they need to behave.