Barstool Sports

NYDN – Ex-inmate Michael Isolda is suing the city for $80 million, bellyaching that eating the cafeteria food at Rikers Island nearly killed him. Isolda once tipped the scales at 460 pounds before undergoing gastric bypass surgery. The operation slimmed him down, but he claims prison dining — in which inmates have only four minutes to finish their meals — endangered his digestive system. The Staten Island resident said he needed extra time to chew and swallow food, but the speed-eating at Rikers caused him to vomit after every meal and eventually separated his stomach from his intestine. “For me, Rikers Island is a death sentence,” Isolda said in a sworn statement that’s part of the lawsuit he filed in Brooklyn Federal Court this week. “It’s not a matter of surviving and worrying about inmates. I have to worry about the food killing me.” Isolda was beset by diabetes, hypertension, sleep apnea and orthopedic problems when he decided to have gastric bypass surgery in 2008. His surgeon submitted a letter to the sentencing judge, Staten Island Supreme Court Justice Leonard Rienzi, noting that “due to the small stomach pouch the patient takes longer to chew his food or vomiting may occur or food may be lodged in the esophagus,” according to court papers. The judge ordered the letter attached to Isolda’s commitment papers when he was sentenced to 30 days. Isolda said he needs 15 to 30 minutes to safely consume soft food like mashed potatoes, tuna or oatmeal.

So lets get this straight. You’re morbidly obese. Get gastric bypass surgery. Lose 300 pounds. And now you’re mad you can’t eat like a fat person anymore? Oh and also you’re upset you cant take your time and leisurely enjoy your meals while in jail. You’re just a real gem, huh pal? Hey you fatso imprisoned drug addict, maybe you should stop being fat and incarcerated. I mean if there are 2 things that can be easily avoided, its being 400+ pounds and being in prison. Any semi-functioning human should be able to avoid both of those scenarios with ease.

So forgive me if I’m not on your side when it comes to handing you $80 million dollars because you can’t chew fast enough. You’re 160 pounds now, not 400. You were a Rikers inmate, not a free man. Hence you don’t get to behave like a fat or free person. Simple enough.