OTTAWA, Ill. (TheBlaze/AP) — Imagine the terror of being handcuffed, chained and locked inside a wooden casket that is subsequently dragged out of an airplane at 14,500 feet. That’s the scenario Anthony Martin, described by Ripley’s Believe it or Not as the “King of Escapists,”faces later Tuesday when he takes to the sky over Serena in northern Illinois. On Tuesday, Martin will lay inside a plywood box with his hands cuffed to a belt around his waist and his right arm chained to the inside of the box. The casket’s door will then be held tight with a prison door lock for which no key exists; a locksmith scrambled the tumblers. The box will be rolled out of the plane — a Short SC.7 Skyvan — at about 14,500 feet. Two skydivers will stabilize the box by holding handles on the side while a drogue similar to the parachutes used to slow drag-racing cars and fighter jets will further steady it from the top as Martin picks the locks. He expects to be free and tracking away at around 7,000 feet after about 40 seconds of free fall, and plans to land on a farm in Serena, 70 miles southwest of Chicago. On Monday, Martin exuded calm, saying his only concerns are for the other people involved in the jump. “You try to get yourself to the point where there’s really not a lot of fear involved. Fear is one of those emotions that kind of distracts from your ability to think clearly and be effective,” he said. And how did Martin plan to prepare the night before his escape-or-die skydive? “I’m just going to find something cool to watch on television,” he said. “I’m not going to change a thing. It’s just business.”
I always feel bad when I see these stunts. Because truth be told I’m rooting for disaster 100% of the time. I don’t wanna see anyone die but I absolutely wanna see something go horribly, horribly wrong. Like that son of a bitch Nik Wallenda walking across Niagara Falls or the Grand Canyon. I definitely wanted to see him fall off that rope. Felix Bumgartner – the dude who went skydiving from space – I actually didn’t even care about that son of a bitch’s well being. He wasted a solid 8 hours of my Sunday waiting for him to jump out of his space ship. I wanted him to just be whisked away into orbit, never to be seen again. If there was a way I could guarantee Anthony Martin survived, I would love nothing more than to watch this coffin smash to the ground into smithereens. You want attention, Mr. Dare Devil? Here you go. You have my attention. But I never made any promises about wanting you to succeed. I’m secretly rooting for you to fail. But thats kinda the whole point for these attention starved assholes, right? Thats why I don’t feel too bad about it.
So later today, when you jump out of this plane handcuffed and buried alive, consider me on Team Coffin. Team Gravity.