Barstool Sports

Queens – Police say a 26-year-old New Jersey man had his leg severed when he drunkenly fell asleep next to the tracks under a New York City subway platform and was struck by a train. The incident happened at the 65th St subway station in Woodside, Queens at about 4:40 am on Sunday. Authorities say the man from Elizabeth was rushed to Elmhurst Hospital and is expected to survive. His name was not released.

Hey sometimes you just gotta sleep in the subway. It sucks, it’s uncomfortable, there’s a good chance you’ll get robbed or sexually molested if you actually get to REM sleep, but in certain cases there’s just no other choice. Gotta cop nods on the train platform. It could be a drunk pass out, a hangover shut-eye to fight off vomiting  or maybe just a general ‘on your way to work and hate life with the fire of 1000 suns’ nap. But I’ll tell you what’s even worse than trying to find a comfortable position on those awful wooden benches. Getting your leg viscously torn from your torso by a speeding train. That’ll ruin your day just about every time it happens. It’s like you go to sleep with two legs, you wake up bleeding to death missing a leg and you’re like what the fuck brah!? Had two legs here. What gives?

And as if you needed some shitting icing on the bad luck cake, you miss your train and gotta wait for the next one. Rough. Intramural basketball career and punctuality literally ripped right from you. That’s why you gotta respect the yellow line motherfuckers! Respect the yellow line!

PS - A few weeks ago I go to hop on my train in Astoria and I find out there are no Manhattan bound trains cause of an investigation. Gotta take the train like 5 stops further into Queens then transfer to another line. Adds like 40 minutes to my commute. So as we’re all waiting around pissed, someone breaks the news that a person got hit by a train, hence the investigation. Instead of feeling sorry for the victim or asking if he was OK or whatever, some guy goes “Jesus, what an idiot.” The another dude is like “Ugh, another dumbass does this every week.” And it just turned into a big bash session of some person whose life was probably ruined because they got smashed by a train. Point is that people who get hit by trains are not humans. They are speed bumps in our schedules. If you get hit by a train I don’t feel bad for you. I actually kinda hate you and the faster you can get scraped off the tracks, the better. Awful, I know. But us alive people got shit to do.