LAKELAND, Fla., May 4 (UPI) – A Florida atheist activist is in jail for faking the sounds of a sex act in the presence of her neighbor and his 10-year-old son, authorities say. Ellenbeth Wachs, 48, of Lakeland, legal director of the Atheists of Florida, was arrested Sunday, the Polk County Sheriff’s Office told The (Lakeland) Ledger. Neighbor Otto Lehman filed for an injunction for protection against Wachs in April, saying his son Forrest was playing basketball March 13 when she yelled at him to stop. When Lehman and his son returned later, Wachs made noises that “sounded like a woman experiencing sexual gratification in an extremely loud fashion,” the sheriff’s affidavit said. John Liguori, Wachs’ lawyer, said she should be released because she has multiple sclerosis and her medical needs cannot be properly met in jail. He said Wachs was resting after having chemotherapy when she asked the boy to stop playing basketball, and “there is no simulation of a sex act here.”
So if I’m following this story correctly here, and I think I am, this chick thought making sex noises was gonna scare off the young boy? Thats what she was doing right? I mean there’s a lot of superfluous details here about atheism and chemotherapy. But it basically sounds like she wanted some shut eye, her neighbor was making noise in the drive way, so she did her best When Harry Met Sally impersonation and broke out her O face. Hey Ellenbeth Wachs that has gotta be about the worst possible way to scare off a kid who’s about to go through puberty. You’re lucky he didn’t pop his first boner right there on the spot.
When I was in middle school there was a couple lesbians who lived across the street from me. Lipstick lesbians who were divorcees scorned by men. The best kind. They are still there to this day if I’m not mistaken. Me and my friends would basically circle their house on our bikes just staring at the windows waiting to catch a glimpse of these mythical sirens. Every time they pulled in the drive way we’d all stop and look for them as they walked into the house like some fucking paparazzi. If for one reason or another those scissoring smokes ever came outside and started faking orgasms, not only would that not scare me off, but I’d probably never ever leave.
I dunno what you atheists believe, but if you check the Bible, the Torah, the Quran, fucking whatever, you’ll learn “thou shalt not simulate sex for thy neighbor.”