Orlando Sentinel – An officer responding to a call about a suspicious person at a 7-Eleven on Wednesday about 12:30 a.m. arrived to find a man holding a phone at the store. After telling the man, later identified as Daylen E. Holloman, to sit on the curb, the officer began to question him. The officer asked the man whether he had called the cops. Holloman allegedly answered “I don’t know” when the cop asked him more questions such as “How can I help you?” and “What is going on?” and “Where are you from?” and “Had any drugs or alcohol tonight?” The cop finally asked the 20-year-old Daytona Beach man, “What do you know?’ To which Hollomon replied, “I know I’m a monkey.” When Holloman told the cop to look at his shirt, the officer said, “I see your shirt and I know that you’re not a monkey, you’re human because humans wear clothes.” Hollomon replied “Oh really?” before beginning to strip off his clothes, looking over to the female clerk and “smiled as if it was all a joke.” Hollomon continued to strip — even after he was ordered to stop and under the threat of being hauled to the pokey if he continued to peel off his clothing. The cop grew weary of Holloman’s monkey business and took him into custody. Now handcuffed, the cop then placed Hollomon’s boxer shorts on the ground to give him the opportunity to cover his private parts. Holloman “used extraordinary balance to lift his boxers up” using his foot until they were around his waist.
What’s a dude gotta do to prove he’s a monkey? I’ll tell you – he’s gotta put his boxers on with his feet while handcuffed. You don’t have to be Steve Irwin to know that. Hands for feet is Monkey 101. How it got that far in the first place is another story. I don’t get why the cop was so deadset on proving Daylen wasn’t a primate. He’s a monkey and he’s proud. Telling him he’s not simply because he’s got clothes on is just as good as stripping the guy yourself. Once the clothes started coming off, there were two plays. A – you ease up on the stubbornness and admit the dude’s a monkey before his dick & balls are out. B – you let him get down to his birthday suit for the “put your boxers on with your feet” test. Either way, he’s a monkey. And being a monkey isn’t a crime.
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