Barstool Sports

Allegedly the victim, but this has fake internet picture written alll over it. I hope its not real. Christ.

Palm Beach Post – The naked man who tried to eat another man’s face before he was shot dead by police was identified Monday. Police sources confirmed that the attacker was 31-year-old Rudy Eugene. His name was first reported by WPLG-ABC 10. The man he attacked remained in extremely critical condition Sunday night at Jackson Memorial Hospital. Much of his face was gone, the skin ripped away, the nose bitten and the eyes gouged. What remained was his goatee and little else. Photos of the scene with Eugene and his victim quickly went viral on the Internet Monday. “We’re hoping that he pulls through, for his well-being, but also so he can tell us what happened,” said Sgt. Javier Ortiz, vice president of the Miami police union. “Only he knows.” The victim still had not been officially identified Monday. The macabre scene unfolded about 2 p.m. Saturday on the MacArthur Causeway’s off-ramp to Biscayne Boulevard just south of the Miami Herald building. A Road Ranger spotted the men and shouted on his loudspeaker for the naked attacker to back away. One witness said he was riding his bicycle on the MacArthur when he saw a man tearing off pieces of the victim’s flesh with his mouth. After an officer approached, Larry Vega told WSVN-FOX7, “The guy just stood, his head up like that, with pieces of flesh in his mouth. And he growled.” Eugene left behind few clues as to what could have prompted the attack. According to court records, he married Jenny Ductant on Dec. 15, 2005, in Hollywood. The marriage ended in divorce after a little more than two years. “I wouldn’t say he had mental problem but he always felt like people was against him . .. No one was for him, everyone was against him,” his ex-wife told WPLG.

Which do you think was the worst massacre in Miami yesterday – Rudy Eugene eating this dudes face or the Heat mopping the floor with the Celtics? I mean if it wasn’t for Lebron’s XVI mouth guard I would have imagine that Paul Pierce’s face would have looked a little something like that in his post game presser. I wonder if we could pry Brian Windhorst away from American Airlines Arena to report on this gruesome fiasco. He’s the real voice of Miami.

Anywho, pretty nasty shit. Apparently this guy was on LSD just chowing down and it took 6 bullets to finally get him off the victim. You know who I feel the worst for in this situation? The dude who’s face looks like the inside of a jelly donut, obviously. But I feel the second worst for the ex wife of this crazy motherfucker. How about marrying that guy? You know a lot of people marry someone and they turn out to be a different person than they thought. They cheat, they lie, sometimes they’re even abusive. But have fun showing up at your high school reunion as the chick who was once married to the flesh eating homeless man. Thats always a fun one to explain to everyone.

PS – Nothin will snap you back to reality after Memorial Day Weekend like seeing a dude who’s face has been eating. Welcome back to reality, Cube Monkeys!