Barstool Sports

NBCNewYork - A southwestern Pennsylvania woman has been jailed on charges she was flagging down motorists and offering to take off her clothes for cash. Online court records don’t list an attorney for 35-year-old Jackie Hatter, of Uniontown. She remained jailed Wednesday unable to post $25,000 bond. The Herald-Standard of Uniontown reportsHatter was arrested about 8:40 a.m. Sunday and charged with disorderly conduct and marijuana possession. Police say they were told she was stopping cars to offer the striptease at an intersection in the city about 40 miles south of Pittsburgh. Police say Hatter was mumbling incoherently and fighting with officers. A preliminary hearing on the charges has yet to be scheduled.

You know what my favorite part of this story is? 8:40am on a Sunday morning. Pennsylvania Quakers are on there way to mass and here’s Jackie Hatter shitfaced on the side of the road offering a drive by sex show fighting with cops. And you know what? Its not a half bad business plan. Like whenever its hot as fuck and I’m driving underneath the Bruckner and I see those dudes who stand in the middle of the street selling bottles of water for a dollar, I usually throw them a buck. Its not even like I’m dying of thirst driving around thinking “Goddam I could use a bottle of water right now.” Its kinda like “Well theres a nice bottle of water being delivered right to my window, why not? Well thats the same way I feel about a pair of roadside titties. Do I absolutely need to see a pair of tits as I’m driving around Sunday morning? No. Do I wan’t to see a pair of tits as I’m driving around Sunday morning? Yes of course. I “want” to see a pair of tits at all times, everywhere, no matter what I’m doing. She’s selling the convenience, really.

So essentially my point is, if Jackie Hatter whats to deliver her tits on a silver platter to me as I drive by for like a dollar or two, I ain’t gonna say no. I’ll be scrounging up change from the ashtray and the cup holder like I was driving down the Jersey Turnpike without EZ Pass. Throw 75 cents in the basket and see a pair of tits.