Post – Long Island cops uncovered a slithering nightmare Thursday when they raided the home of an unlicensed-reptile dealer — and found his garage packed with 850 snakes. The Suffolk County serpent storehouse contained an estimated half-million dollars in snakes. The boa constrictors, pythons and hog-nose snakes were neatly packed in bins, well fed and ready to be sold to buyers over the Internet, sources said. Sgt. John Jordan from the SPCA Holding a 6-foot Burmese Python, Michael Ralbovsky HerPetologist/General Curator from Rainforst Reptile Show. “I’d never seen so many snakes in one place before, even in a zoo,” said Ken Gross, chief of Suffolk County’s Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. The snakes were being kept by Richard Parrinello, 44, at his home on Auborn Avenue in Shirley, authorities said. Parrinello — who is a Brookhaven Town animal-control officer — runs an Internet business called Snakeman’s Exotics, which offers serpents to collectors, according to the firm’s Web site. “All animals are guaranteed to arrive Healthy and Sexed properly!” the company boasts. Despite the large volume of snakes in the garage, they were all in good shape, officials said.
Snake people are definitely up at the top of the list of weirdest people on earth. Like really? Snakes? Everyone knows snakes are nature’s scumbags. Snakes are the guy at the concert who takes your money to go get drugs but never comes back. Snakes are the bro that texts your girlfriend under the guise that they’re just good friends but tries to bang her when you’re out of town. Snakes are the dude that always says he’s not hungry when people are throwing down for pizza but hangs out long enough to eat the leftover slices for free. Those slithery motherfuckers are the worst. So to be that obsessed with those scaly cocksuckers means you got something wrong with your head. 850 snakes in your garage? Fuck outta my face dude.
PS – If I walked into that garage without knowing there were 850 snakes in there, there’s a 73.7% chance I’d scream like a girl.