CLEVELAND — The man who famously put down his Big Mac to help rescue three women held captive for a decade in an Ohio house will never have to pay for another burger in his hometown. Charles Ramsey has been promised free burgers for life at more than a dozen Cleveland-area restaurants. The (Cleveland) Plain Dealer reports that the restaurant where Ramsey worked as a dishwasher initially created a special burger in his honor, but eateries in the city decided a larger tribute was due. Ramsey was called a hero after helping Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus and Michelle Knight break out of the house May 6. Ariel Castro is now facing charges. The newspaper says Ramsey was traveling and would get his “Chuck Card” when he returns.
I’m done with talking about this asshole being a hero. Bottom line is Amanda Berry escaped from that house and Chuck Ramsey just happened to be the first person she saw. That doesn’t make you a hero. Plus he’s got a rap sheet a mile long and beat the shit out of his wife.
But I’m obviously interested in the free burgers. Over 12 restaurants agreeing to honor the Chuck Card for the rest of his life. Obviously I’d probably just prefer a lifetime of burgers worth of cash as my reward. But practically speaking, as far as prizes go, free cheeseburgers in your hometown has gotta be way up there on the list. I’d say the list goes like this:
1. Free Beer.
2. Free Pizza
3. Free Burgers
And the only reason I put Pizza above Burgers is because I think I eat pizza more frequently. Its more of a drunk food go-to than burgers are. I wouldn’t mind something like free chicken cutlet heros for life either, but I don’t think thats accessible enough to be at the top of my list. Only a few delis here and there that make good ones and can’t get them around the clock. And yea, free lap dances for life at a dozen strip clubs would be awesome but is that something you’d take advantage of enough? Probably. But I really love beer and pizza and burgers so strippers comes in 4th place.
So practically speaking, Chuck here got one of the top three rewards imaginable for being some crackhead criminal asshole who happened to be in the right place at the right place when some petrified white girl bumped into him. Congrats, Charles Ramsey. Snake it til you make it.