NY Times – In the best of circumstances, trying to find a rental in New York City is like taking a very expensive and stressful trip to the dentist. But Ms. Kirshner and Mr. Kumagai are not in the best of circumstances: they are among the thousands of New Yorkers who were displaced by Hurricane Sandy, which filled their garden-level rental apartment in Red Hook, Brooklyn, with water just a few inches shy of the ceiling and rendered it uninhabitable for months. So they are now searching for a new rental and facing a variety of challenges, including a budget strained by so much ruin, and competition from other renters displaced by the storm. But there is a special wrinkle in their quest for a new home. “My chickens bring me a lot of joy, but I know we have to be realistic,” Ms. Kirshner said. “But man,” she continued, “it would be nice” to be able to keep them. Ms. Kirshner, 27, grew up on a farm in Washington State, home to goats, sheep and, yes, chickens, which when she was young she was charged with caring for. As an adult living in Brooklyn, she arranged to have chickens again, for the eggs, but mostly for fun. The four she currently has — Chicki Minaj, Hillary Chicken, Black Betty and Salt Hen Peppa, who is also called Cookie Dough — were born in New Jersey in May. In advance of the storm, Ms. Kirshner locked her four chickens in an upper portion of their coop, about four feet off the ground, and then left the neighborhood to spend the night with relatives.
Looking for apartments in New York City is top 3 worst thing that can happen on the planet earth. #1 is moving out of a NYC apartment, #2 is moving in to a New York City apartment, and #3 is the NYC apartment search process. I’ve been looking for apartments this past month. Worst month of all time. I’ve been working with this dickhead named Schmuel Sherman. I trot around New York City with this asshole as he shows me piece of shit apartments and tells me everything they don’t have. No elevator. No dishwasher. No closet space. Living room is 5 x 7 and the bedroom is 4 x 6. Only $3000 a month! And you have to put down first, last, middle, second to last, and third to last rent. Plus security and broker fee. No personal checks!
Fuck you Schmuel! And fuck these hipsters demanding a goddam chicken coop. I’m a normal fucking person gainfully employed (sorta) and all I’m asking for is a place with electricity and cable. Don’t need a chicken coop for my family of fucking fowl. Let me find out Chicki Minaj finds a goddam apartment before I do and I will snap. If I’m still in my fucking parents house and I hear these two hipster assholes found an apartment with enough space for 2 people and 4 chickens, I’m just gonna have to punch Schmuel in his fucking face.