The Super Nintendo Classic Is Rumored To Be Coming Out This Christmas And I Am Fucking STOKED
Eurogamer- Nintendo will follow up its smash hit NES microconsole with a mini version of the SNES, sources close to the company have confirmed to Eurogamer. The SNES mini (or, to continue Nintendo’s official branding, likely the Nintendo Classic Mini: Super Nintendo Entertainment System) is currently scheduled to launch in time for Christmas this year. Development of the device is already under way, our sources have indicated. Nintendo’s plans for SNES mini are also a major reason why last year’s NES mini did not see a reprieve from discontinuation, Eurogamer understands, despite the latter’s continued popularity and sell-out status.
LETSSSSS FUCKINGGGGGG GOOOOOOOOO!!! Nintendo is on fire right now. The Switch has reportedly already sold over a million units, the NES Classic is so popular they are killing it (yeah it doesn’t make sense to me either), and now the entire gaming world is going to have a boner from now until Christmas dreaming of some of their favorite games being brought back. Further proof that you don’t need to have 8 billion megapixels per inch, a gaming engine faster than a Ferrari, controllers with a million buttons, or a $500 price tag to move some video game weight. And yes I know you can probably build your own SNES clone and put every game ever on it. I also know you can emulate them on your computer. But I want to buy a piece of hardware from a company that gave me a shitload of great memories as a kid. We are able to get a good chunk of our entertainment for free in 2017 through downloads, streaming, or “other” means. I think I can afford spending a few bucks unnecessarily on the SNES Classic.
Now the game list hasn’t been announced yet, but here are a few thoughts of some of the games I hope to see.
– First things first, the SNES Classic absolutely, positively must have the original Mario Kart. I still remember unwrapping it on Christmas Day and had no idea my life would be changed forever. And that is not hyperbole. My life is significantly better because of the invention of Mario Kart. Also Santa had written that the gift was to me, my sister, and my brother. Very wise move by my parents making us share a game that would have caused bloodshed if one of us wanted to take it away because it was just “ours”.
– Obviously Super Mario World will be included. When push comes to shove, Super Mario World was clearly the best Mario game in my opinion (with Mario 3 a close second). And if Super Mario World had a Giant Land like level 4 in Mario 3, it wouldn’t even be close.
– That being said, I don’t think I ever came close to playing Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island. I’m not sure why either. I loved Yoshi from the jump. He was my go-to racer in Kart. I would consider Yoshi a close personal friend of mine. But I just never had an ounce of interest in playing his game. Nothing personal. I had Genesis as well (The Clems were a little spoiled growing up) and I think at that point I had moved on to playing more Genesis and sports games.
– Since I have a Nintendo Classic, I don’t really care if Mario All-Stars is on the system or not. But for everyone that was gutted by the news of the NES Classic no longer being produced, I guess it would be a D+ consolation prize.
– I’m still not sure if I loved or hated Mario Paint. Probably both. But the amount of incredible songs or pictures that will be created and posted to YouTube will be incredible.
– Super Nintendo was the first system that I remember that you could play a game at home that you played at the arcade and the graphics were almost just as good (I’m looking at you Turtles In Time).
– In related news, now I really want to play Turtles In Time, The Simpsons game, and the X-Men arcade game.
– And as always, whenever I mention a Ninja Turtles game, I have to give a hardy FUCK YOU to the Hudson River level of the original Ninja Turtles NES game.
Worst video game level ever, even though watching someone else beat it oddly makes me happy.
– I know it was in the N64 version, but I would love to see this old gem added as some sort of Easter Egg to the original Star Fox.
– I can’t wait to play F-Zero again, have some fun, and then get sick of it veryyyy quickly and wonder why the fuck it wasn’t a better game or franchise.
– I need Nintendo, EA Sports, the NHL, and the NHLPA to all agree to come together and do what’s right. Which is to have NHL 94 included on the SNES Classic and for the teams + rosters to be accurate.
– Shit I just remembered Gary Bettman is still in charge of the NHL. No chance of any of that happening. Luckily I still have a Super Nintendo at my house.
(Don’t worry, I know you guys don’t think I’m an athlete even for a millisecond)
Oh yeah and I won the cup with the Senators, who if they weren’t the worst team in the game, they were the slowest and most boring (not to brag).
– Obviously I’m hoping for NBA Jam and/or NBA Live to be included, partially because I loved those games partially because the Knicks weren’t an absolute dumpster fire when they came out. But again, based on the lack of sports games on the NES Classic, I’m not holding my breath.
– Since it’s independent of any MLB licensing, Ken Griffey Major League Baseball hassssss to be included on the system because not only was it a fun game, but the player names were incredible and all the other little touches (described on the game’s Wikipedia page) are great.
– I don’t know what Nintendo’s relationship with Disney is like, but getting old school Disney games like Lion King and Aladdin on there would be sweet, especially for parents that want to play video games that will also make their kids turn into a TV watching zombie. And since Disney owns Star Wars, I wouldn’t mind shoe horning the 3 games in there as well.
– Donkey Kong Country neeeeeeeeeds to be on the Classic. I know it may seem crazy now, but these graphics almost made my brain melt the first time I saw them on a Super Nintendo.
– I know people are probably cumming themselves at the thought of playing A Link To The Past, but again I was never a Zelda guy growing up and at this rate I think it’s safe to say I never will be. Most overrated franchise ever some would say.
– If I had a choice between Street Fighter II or Mortal Kombat, I’m choosing Street Fighter II every single time. Add in that there’s no blood in Super Nintendo and there is almost no reason to play Mortal Kombat on SNES.
– By the way, no blood in Mortal Kombat or even NHL 94 on SNES remains one of the biggest pussy moves in video game history.
-Obviously Mega Man X will have to be included. This is one game I didn’t really play, but I’m always in for games where you can use a bad guy’s powers against another bad guy. Same goes for all things Kirby.
– Looking back I guess Super Punch Out was a good game. But I went in with such high expectations after the original Punch Out that it was never going to match the OG version of the game. Plus I had so much trouble beating that little fuck with the cane that I immediately get a dose of PTSD whenever I see that little asshole moving around the squared circle. I wish Octagon Bob would beat the fuck outta that guy.
– Not sure how many Stoolies are the same, but I was kind of an RPG guy growing up. I didn’t play a ton of them. But if I did a play an RPG and liked it, it usually turned into a love. And just like Sonny says in A Bronx Tale, you get three great ones in your life. My three were Phantasy Star 2 for Genesis, Final Fantasy VII for Playstation, and Final Fantasy II for Super Nintendo. For sure hoping FF II makes the cut.
– Zombies At My Neighbors was a fun game, but I remember it more for always being on the clearance rack at my local toy store. Not sure if that’s fair or not, but definitely took it down a few pegs in my book. Felt like a poor person’s game after that.
– Chrono Trigger, Super Metroid, Earthworm Jim, Secret of Mana, Mario RPG, Act Raiser, Super Castlevania are all favorites of people. But they just weren’t on my radar. I’m sure I’ll dabble in them when I get this SNES Classic (or maybe IF I get the SNES Classic since Nintendo loves shorting its customers).
– Speaking of which, shout out to Nintendo for announcing that they were done pumping out NES Classics after I had bought and opened mine. Nothing like looking at what could have been my daughter’s college tuition gather dust on my entertainment center every day.
And of course, if you are a fan of gaming, make sure to follow the Barstool Sports Twitch channel and the Twitter handle for @StoolGametime, which I’m sure will have more than a few showdowns on the SNES Classic (again, if Nintendo doesn’t fuck us all in the ass again with a massive shortage)
P.S. Please don’t fuck us with a shortage of SNES Classics, Nintendo. And if you do, please give me a heads up so I can buy one and sell it unopened for a small fortune.