Well there we have it folks. I guess two of the biggest stars on the planet are bumping uglies. First off I would like the congratulate Drake. As someone that spent a good chunk of his life in one friendzone or another, this is a big win. Sure Drake’s experiences while being in the friendzone were definitely a million times better than my experiences. But this is a win for anyone that has ever been locked up in the friendzone.
However at the same time, let me caution Drake about being careful what you wish for. Bad Girl RiRi is a legitimate dick crusher. She’s the baddest bitch on the planet and she knows it. If they rebooted the Species franchise, Rihanna would be the perfect person to fill the Natasha Henstridge role. That’s the kind of chick we are talking about here. I would have worried about Rihanna breaking hardcore rappers like DMX and 2Pac when they were in their prime. Even a heavyweight like Biggie would have probably just petered out in a puddle of sweat before RiRi ate him like a praying mantis. So I am almost expecting Drake to get broken in half like Bane did Batman in The Dark Knight Rises. The return of wheel chair Jimmy! Because running through a ton of chicks as a singing rapper over the years and one beef with Meek Mill doesn’t get you ready for someone that writes 23 cumshots in suntan lotion for LeBron.
Or has an ass and dance moves like this.
So congrats to the happy couple I suppose. And best of luck to Drake, since it’s only a matter of time until he is walking around like Kirk Gibson after his Game 1 home run in the 1988 World Series. But until then, everything is coming up Drizzy.