Medieval Knight, A Successful Pirate, Or An 1800s Cowboy – Who Ya Got?

A classic hypothetical for every 9 year old boy talking to his buddy along with every 27 year old guy listening to KFC Radio. Knight, Pirate, or Cowboy? Ninja and Astronaut are excluded from this particular argument, although they would certainly be viable career options as well for this discussion. The email specified “Successful Pirate,” so I guess that means you gotta assume you’re like the Captain and not some lowly scrub swabbing the deck. All three of these professions/lifestyles have their own appeal. Their own glitz and glamor. But to me its a no brainer. A knight is living in medieval times doing nothing of his own choosing. Everything is for the king or the kingdom. Everything is to save the princess or the damsel in distress. You’re basically like a glorified body guard. Plus you’re constantly in metal clothing and you’ll probably catch the plague.

Pirate Life aint all its cracked up to be. Sure, you got Captain Jack Sparrow. The thought of coming into port and fucking chicks and drinking rum is cool. But what about when you’re on the high seas for like months at a time? You know who you’re fucking then? Other pirates, thats who. Google “Peg boy” and then get back to me. Thats the kind of shit that goes on below deck on a pirate ship. Plus Feits told me pirates used to eat in the dark so they couldnt see the maggots on top of their food. So I’m OUT on that.

Which leaves Cowboys. And not just process of elimination. Its because cowboy life is fire. Nothing but whiskey, tobacco, prostitutes, poker, double doors swinging at the saloon, and unchecked murder. Thats where its AT. Just vices on vices on vices and you can shoot someone with your gun at any time. Westworld Life, man. Absolutely nobody telling you what to do or when to do it. Eat a can of beans over the fire at night. Murder some people and do it all over again. Cowboy Life, for life.

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