Dude Calls The Police Because His Girlfriend Would Not Have Sex With Him

Smoking Gun - A South Carolina man called 911 early this morning to complain that his girlfriend would not have sex with him, according to an arrest report. When a cop responded to his Spartanburg residence, Patrick Doggett, 53, “stated he called 911 because his girlfriend, Ms. Faye Woodruff, would not give him any ass.” Woodruff told police that Doggett had been drinking all day and “didn’t know where he was at.” She added that Doggett got into bed and wanted to have sex, but “she had her grandchild with her.” So, Woodruff noted, Doggett“got up and then dialed 911.” Doggett, who was outside the residence drinking an alcoholic beverage when police arrived, was arrested for public intoxication and booked into the county jail (where he remains locked up this afternoon). Pictured above, Doggett has not been cited for misusing the 911 system, according to jail records.

Welp, this is what its come to. This is where these women have pushed us. Sometimes they paint you into a corner and then leave you no choice but to call for help. Its goddam criminal is what it is. They’re fraudulent. They’re deceitful. They swindle you. They act one way and then you start to date them or move in with them or marry them and they act a completely different way.  They should all go to jail for misrepresentation. When things start out they’re as kinky as yesterday’s porn. Don’t know the word no. You can convince em to do just about anything. And then time goes on and they get their ring or they officially share an apartment with you and they pull the goddam rug out from underneath you. They turn out the lights. Lock the door. Flip the “Open” sign around. They’re closed for business. Might as well seal themselves up with cement.

And so they leave you with no other option than to call the authorities. “Mr. Officer she conned me into buying her a ring! She duped me into cohabitation! All under false pretenses! I proceeded under the expectation of sex and the second party never fulfilled their end of the bargain.” Its a bait and switch and it should be fucking illegal. And I dont wanna hear about any fucking “grandchildren” excuse. Its always something. I’m tired, I havent showered, I just went to the gym, I have my grandchild with me. I’m sorry, not right now. Stuff your sorries in a sack, bitch. I’m calling the police.