Choking Game? No Thanks. I’ll Just Play Little League Like A Normal Kid

NBC. “In the ‘choking game’ participants attempt to experience a euphoric feeling by temporarily depriving the brain of oxygen by applying pressure to the neck until they pass out,” a community alert press release from the Chicago Police states. Participants wrap belts or ties around their neck and try hanging from fixed locations.  They released warning signs to help parents spot any abnormal behavior in their children.

  • Strange bruising or red marks around the neck
  • Bloodshot eyes
  • Bed sheets, belts, T-shirts, ties or ropes tied in strange knots and/or found in unusual places
  • Visiting Web sites or chat rooms mentioning asphyxiation or the choking game
  • Curiosity about asphyxiation (asking questions like “How does it feel?” or “What happens if?”)
  • Disorientation and/or grogginess after being alone
  • Locked or blocked bedroom or bathroom doors
  • Frequent, often severe headaches
  • Changes in attitude; becoming more aggressive
  • Wear marks on furniture (bunk beds or closet rods)

You know what the number 1 sign is that a kid has an asphyxiation addiction? Not getting any hand jobs. You want a euphoric feeling bro? Get your dick yanked on. Trust me. Feels good.  Happened to me twice before, it all lives up to the hype.

I love number 5 on the list. Like if your kid comes up to you and is like “Hey daddy what does it feel like when you dangle from the ceiling with a rope around your neck?” you’re not gonna know that he is trying to get his jollies off by asphyxiating himself. Hang on a moment, let me consult my choking game list and see if this qualifies as an official warning sign.

Needless to say this country is going to hell in a hand basket folks. You know what I did when I was a teenager to have fun? Same fucking thing I do now because I haven’t grown up one bit. Drink booze and chase skirts. Not sit around and try and f’n hang myself.

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