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NOPE: Florida To Be Overrun With Aggressive Super-Sized Mosquitos This Summer
floriduh – If mosquitoes were motorcycles, the species known as Psorophora ciliata would be a Harley-Davidson — big, bold, American-made and likely to be abundant in Florida this summer, according to entomologist Phil Kaufman, an University of Florida associate professor with the school’s Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences. Kaufman said that last year the state had a bumper crop of the huge insects, called gallinippers, which are known for being notoriously aggressive and having a painful bit — and a repeat may be on the way. Only the female gallinippers are blood feeders as males survive on flower nectar, according to the news release. “The bite really hurts, I can attest to that,” Kaufman said.
Nope. Fuck you, Florida. We could deal with you when it was just about your meth and criminal populace and Disney Illuminati puppet masters, but this? Nah, Florida. You’re cut off. America’s penis is cut off.
Just imagine sitting outside minding your own business then having one of these squirrel-sized insect dinosaur terrorists stab its needle in your body before sucking out whole pints of blood. It feels like the plot to Hell. And here we thought those Egyptian locusts were bad. I’d hug a billion locusts before I ever stepped foot in a state with aggressive pigeon mosquitoes.
Of course it should be noted this invasion was predicted by a “professor” at the University of Florida, who we can assume is making these claims using nothing but a Bible and a Ouija board.
PS – Since Florida officially won’t exist to anyone with a brain past May, you might as well get down to PCB for our Blackout Tour Foam show before Florida turns into home of the mosquito people.
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By maurice on Mar 8th, 2013 @ 11:30 AM EST
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16 comments Sort by Popularity Sort by Date
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  by norightdeserving on March 8, 2013 at 11:38 am
  You should be used to fly's buzzing around your head Mo. Besides, why would a mosquito want Sickle Cell anyway?
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  by gatornation on March 8, 2013 at 11:42 am
  Don't you dare talk about UF like that, Mo.
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  by t12a43 on March 8, 2013 at 11:42 am
  ya gatornation. florida sucks, especially the uf
  Up: 3
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  by badabingbadabing on March 8, 2013 at 11:43 am
  this is what you blog. you're actually retarded and i'm pretty sure the only reason Pres employs you is to save face with saying he actually has a black writer at BarStool. You're so dumb its amazing and you don't even realize how dumb you are. I want to punch you in the face
  Up: 0
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  by gatornation on March 8, 2013 at 11:47 am
  It's actually near the top ten in the country as far as Public Universities are concerned and Gainesville doesn't suck. The rest of Florida does though.
  Up: 1
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  by urbanwarfare on March 8, 2013 at 11:47 am
  Not the biggest UF fan, but Florida shits on every single school in your god awful city academically (other than Penn), and certainly rapes them in all athletics, so lets calm down Mo.
  Up: 2
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  by blackstoolie on March 8, 2013 at 11:48 am
  The "stupid ni**ers" wasn't enough?
  Up: 0
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  by urbanwarfare on March 8, 2013 at 11:49 am
  However, gatornation saying the rest of Florida sucks clearly means he is a redneck retard, because South Florida (namely, Miami) destroys everywhere else in Florida by a HUGE margin.
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  by shaved clam on March 8, 2013 at 11:55 am
  Florida sucks as bad as their helicopter sized mosquitoes.
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  by gatornation on March 8, 2013 at 11:55 am
  You caught me, urbanwarfare. I'm nothing but a redneck retard getting an Engineering degree. Enjoy Miami.
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  by cg14 on March 8, 2013 at 12:03 pm
  guys. GUYS. Hating on the blog is only funny if the blog isn't funny. This was spot on with what I was thinking when I read the topic of giant mosquitoes.
  Up: 11
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  by kramerica industries on March 8, 2013 at 12:11 pm
  yeah because UF is better than VIllanova and U of Penn
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  by mvs13 on March 8, 2013 at 12:52 pm
  guarantee you googled how to spell weegee board
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  by t12a43 on March 8, 2013 at 4:36 pm
  gatornation you are actually retarted if you honestly believe florida is a top 10 public school. uva, unc, ucb, ucla, william and mary, uconn, uc davis. umich, wisconsin, u texas, all waaaaay better public schools and thats just off the top of my head
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  by sack on March 10, 2013 at 8:40 pm
  fuck you gator you fucking fag, go hang yourself outside swamp in your jorts and your tebow jersey. nobody will miss your ginger self except your "engineering" (read: turf management) professors and your husky girlfriend's flabby arms.
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  by burgerbumps on March 11, 2013 at 1:51 am
  I live in florida and most of the natives are complete retards but the majority of the population is from up north.
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NOPE: Florida To Be Overrun With Aggressive Super-Sized Mosquitos This Summer

Top 2 Comments

16 comments Sort by Popularity Sort by Date

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