PALCOHOL – Palcohol…because liquid alcohol isn’t always convenient. Since Palcohol is a powder, it makes it easy to enjoy a cocktail just about anywhere. That’s why we say, “Take your Pal wherever you go.” Imagine the possibilities:
1. What’s worse than going to a concert, sporting event, etc. and having to pay $10, $15, $20 for a mixed drink with tax and tip. Are you kidding me?! Take Palcohol into the venue and enjoy a mixed drink for a fraction of the cost.
2. Maybe you’re a college football fan. So many stadiums don’t even serve alcohol. What’s that about; watching football without drinking?! That’s almost criminal. Bring Palcohol in and enjoy the game.
3. Cruise ships charge so much for drinks. Bring Palcohol and the money you save can be used to win millions playing blackjack.
4. Who doesn’t love to hike…soaking up nature? Hiking is even more fun when you can enjoy a cocktail at the end of the trail.
5. Have you ever gone to a movie theater and wished you had a drink? I know!
6. We’ve been talking about drinks so far. But we have found adding Palcohol to food is so much fun. Sprinkle Palcohol on almost any dish and give it an extra kick. Some of our favorites are the Kamikaze in guacamole, Rum on a BBQ sandwich, Cosmo on a salad and Vodka on eggs in the morning to start your day off right. Experiment. Palcohol is great on so many foods. Remember, you have to add Palcohol AFTER a dish is cooked as the alcohol will burn off if you cook with it…and that defeats the whole purpose.
7. Let’s talk about the elephant in the room….snorting Palcohol. Yes, you can snort it. And you’ll get drunk almost instantly because the alcohol will be absorbed so quickly in your nose. Good idea? No. It will mess you up. Use Palcohol responsibly.
Palcohol is so convenient. It’s light. It’s compact. Yeah, we got that.
The absolute greatest part of this entire situation — besides that our country somehow legalized this shit — are the last three sentences on their site. “But don’t use Palcohol illegally or irresponsibly. Don’t do anything stupid with it. And whatever we mentioned about bringing it into a venue, ask the venue first if it’s okay to bring Palcohol in.” How hilarious is that? The entire purpose of this product will be do the opposite of all of those things. It will get used both illegally and irresponsibly. The entire purpose will be to sneak it into venues without them knowing and/or to use it before doing something stupid. THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT. Fantastic work, Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau. Finally can score one for Obama.
Palcohol gets it because they cut right to the chase on the front page of their website. Yes, you can snort it. But you totally shouldn’t even though IT WILL MAKE YOU DRUNK AND AWESOME ALMOST INSTANTLY. Fucking Palcohol. These guys are playing all the hits. Don’t die, Stoolies.
FUTURE NEWS: Everybody At 49ers Game Dead, Palcohol-Induced Riot Ravages City