sunsentinel – According to Fort Pierce cops, Oliver Johnson, 46, swallowed a crack pipe just prior to getting busted. An X-ray machine at the jail showed the device lodged horizontally in his stomach, reports Will Greenlee in his Off the Beat blog for TCPalm.com in Stuart. He allegedly also hid some crack in his hat. Johnson was taken to a hospital to have the pipe removed, according to the report.
Whole. Oliver Johnson swallowed his crack pipe WHOLE.
While the incident probably places him comfortably in the running for our next Crackhead Crack-Off, it’s hard to grasp what Oliver’s end game was here. Because — at least by my crude understanding of the human body — when you swallow a whole crack pipe you gotta expect to shit out a whole crack pipe. Which now that I think about it is actually probably better than shitting out shards of broken crack pipe.
You know what…I was wrong. Eating the crack pipe whole was the smarter move, Oliver. My bad for even questioning the thought process of a rockhead of your seniority.