Subway, home of the breadiest sandwiches on earth, now has this Sriracha sauce stuff. And it is bothering me so much that I have to blog about it. The two most overrated things are now combining in a fireball of overratedness to pour ashes of mediocrity down from the heavens. First, subway itself. There is no reason it should be as popular as it is. Fucking Jared lost three thousand pounds and now every fat person in the world is convinced eating subway=losing weight. Best deceitful marketing plan of all time, especially because the second you ask for a condiment at subway, it’s all over. They throw on lettuce like fuck you, slop some onions not giving a single fuck, but when it comes to condiments, holy shit. They just enter the twilight zone. And it’s every single fucking subway employee. They fall into a complete daze when it comes to condiments. They are just la la la back and forth back and forth with the bottle of ranch, like this is their time to shine. Not to mention their meats are basically plastic and their bread fucking blows.
And now they have this Sriracha sauce, which is just hot sauce that hipsters decided was good. Because there are about 100 other hot sauces that are better. Classic Texas Pete blows it out of the water. It’s not that Sriracha sucks, but it’s not deserving of all this praise. It’s the Nirvana of hot sauce. I don’t mind it if it’s there, I’ll still snap my fingers to it, but I’m not out there looking for it, and the people that claim its the GOAT are self-important assholes.