Source - According to China’s tt.mop and weibo.com websites, the young student was riding to the first day of school for the year. In what must have been a one-in-a-billion fall, the bicycle’s seat got bent over exposing a cold, merciless steel rod which penetrated the boy’s buttocks. The seat was unable to be removed. Firefighters were called to the scene and used the Jaws of Life to detach much of the bicycle from the boy’s rear end. He was then taken to hospital by ambulance with a large portion of the bike still emerging from his butt. Thankfully medical staff was able to remove the bike from the boy’s anus and he was released without serious injury.
Not gonna sugarcoat this bro, this is going to be a tough one to live down. Getting a bike stuffed up your sphincter on the first day of school is social suicide like 99% of the time. Best bet is to just own it like a man. Make a few “Rectum, it almost killed me!” jokes and just pray for the best.