The Duke And Duchess Of Cedar Rapids Have Returned

And there they are.  The royal couple has returned from Tinseltown to mingle with us mere mortals.  Shopping at Target like it’s nothing.  It happens every year around this time.  They come back to the City of Five Seasons for the holidays and Facebook and Twitter blow up with people losing their minds because they just saw Ashton and Mila somewhere around town.  You wouldn’t know by the looks of this picture that those are two of the most famous people on the planet.  Ashton, man of the fucking people.  Cedar Rapidian through and through.  I still firmly believe that Zach Johnson holds the title belt for “Greatest Cedar Rapidian Of All Time” but you’d be bat shit crazy if you didn’t realize how much more famous Ashton is than Zach.  Ashton is “I have sex with Mila Kunis on the regular” famous.  Zach cashes a seven figure check after filming two episodes of Two and A Half Men.  But until Ashton beats Tiger Woods in a head-to-head playoff after dunking a shot from the drop zone, the title is still Zach’s.  I’m not comparing the two like it’s a competition, but I’m comparing the two like it’s a competition.  Anyway, welcome home Ashton.  Always good to have you back.

Side Note: That sweater Ashton has on is absolutely vicious.  With that sweater and his face he could bang any and all chicks on The Corridor.