Harvard Study Says That Masturbating Daily Lowers Men's Risk For Prostate Cancer

Regular orgasms can reduce the risk of prostate cancer, a study has found. Men who ejaculate more regularly throughout their lives lower their risk of the disease. The researchers, from Harvard Medical School, did not explain why orgasms could lower prostate cancer risk. However it has previously been theorised that regular orgasms may flush out cancer-causing chemicals in the prostate. Another theory is that if sperm is regularly cleaned out to allow new cells to develop, it helps stop the build-up of old cells that might be more likely to turn cancerous. The prostate is a small satsuma-sized gland located between a man’s penis and his bladder, whose main function is to produce a thick white fluid that is mixed with the sperm produced by the testicles, to create semen. The new study is the largest to date on the frequency of ejaculation and and prostate cancer.

Done and done!  No prostate cancer for this guy!  Cross that one off the list for diseases I’ll have to worry about.  Studies are the best.  Especially ones like this that enable my grotesque behavior even further.  I’m sure there are a million studies out there that breakdown each aspect of my life and how terrible I am and how I’m gonna die soon.  The beauty of those studies is I have the choice to go ahead and ignore them.  So what if eating too many Oreos will cause doctors to eventually saw off both my feet because of diabetes?  So what if when I drink 100 Bud Lights it kills my brain cells and I won’t know my Mom’s name when I’m 45?  IGNORED.  Outta sight, outta mind.  Simply ignore all of the studies that reveal what a piece of shit you are and only pay attention to the ones that allow you to continue living your shit life.  Life is that easy.  For example, this ejaculation one is right in my wheel house.  So you’re telling my the more I jerk off the better off I’ll be?  Fine, twist my arm. I’m busting nuts left and right and fighting off prostate cancer at the same time. Hey, I just wanna be healthy.