Tips From Kate Upton’s Fitness Trainer

CNN – Upton is the first model to be picked to do back-to-back covers for Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit edition since Tyra Banks appeared for the second time in 1997. And you only have to look at the photos to figure out why. Fitness trainer David Kirsch started working with Upton in August to prepare for the December photo shoot. We reached out to ask him about her exercise regimen, the biggest mistakes he sees clients make at the gym and why a strong mind is just as important as a strong body. CNN: What was Upton’s training schedule like? David Kirsch: The idea was to step up the intensity and duration of the workouts, making it a strict cardio and sculpting boot camp that entailed body weights and resistance bands, sprinting and calisthenics, shadow- and kickboxing. At the beginning, we worked out seven days a week, twice a day. Then we brought it down to five to six days a week for one hour a day. CNN: Was there a specific area she needed or wanted to tone? Kirsch: Kate has beautiful, feminine curves, and I didn’t want her to lose a crazy amount of weight. The goal was to lengthen and tone her thighs and inner thighs, and keep her butt perky. It wasn’t about dramatically changing her body; I didn’t want to do that. Just tighten, tone, lengthen. CNN: What was the most difficult thing for Upton? What was the easiest? Kirsch: Most difficult for her was the sprinting — getting up to a sprint was challenging. And the easiest was the boxing and kickboxing, mostly because she loved kicking my ass!

Getting fitness tips from Kate Upton’s trainer is like taking gambling advice from Pres. Its like taking sex advice from Feitelberg. Comedy lessons from Neil. Just the most unqualified people in the entire universe. Like how many people are banging on David Kirsch’s door to work with him? Ladies if you wanna be a hefty chick with huge tits, David Kirsch is your man! Do you wanna be described as “full figured?” “Buxom?” “Voluptuous?” Do you want to be called “healthy” because it looks like you never miss a meal? Then the David Kirsch Workout Plan is for you! In just 6 months you too can be 5’10, 165!

Unreal. Anna Nicole Smith 2.0 with rolls and back fat and we got people reading articles about how you can look like her. Actually this is probably the most realistic fitness tips article ever. Like reading an article about “Tips On How To Have A Body Like Candice Swanepoel” is just pointless and unrealistic. Fat chicks out there can realistically shed like 20 pounds and have a body like Upton.

Oh and for all you blind idiot Kate Upton addicts who will undoubtedly say “Oh yea KFC like you wouldn’t cum in 2 seconds if Kate Upton wanted to fuck you” – Would I have sex with her? Yes. Does she deserve to be the number 1 cover girl super model? For sure not.

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