The Hottest New Trend Is Hiring “Professional Sobbers” To Come To Your Funeral And Cry For Your
Daily Mail- Grieving relatives worried that their loved ones will not attract enough mourners at their funeral can now bump up the numbers by hiring ‘professional sobbers’. A growing number of people are hiring out their services at £45 for a two-hour ceremony – and as well as attending the funeral they will weep and talk to friends of the deceased. The trend started in areas such as the Middle East and China, but the rise of multiculturalism has made it increasingly popular in the UK. Fake mourners, known as moirologists, are trained actors who specialise in the skill of appearing grief-stricken at public events. Before the funeral services, they are briefed about the life of the deceased so they can talk to other mourners as if they had genuinely known him or her.
I think about my death a lot. Probably because its coming sooner rather than later. I think about f Pres would write a nice eulogy about me. If the commenters would pay their respects. I’d hope I’d get a big parade and a funeral at St. Patrick’s with an American flag draped over my casket. Thousands, maybe millions of people mourning my death. Paying their respects to the guy who helped them pass the time every day as they suffered in the Cubes.
The reality of the matter is I just emailed the Rent-A-Mourner link to my mother. Start saving up Ma! 50 bucks a pop. And unless you want me to look like a total fucking loser, I’m gonna need at least a hundred of those motherfuckers. See what I’m hoping for is like a Vincent Van Gogh or Heath Ledger effect. I wanna be one of those posthumous artists who’s recognized as a genius after his death. I want my blogs to be bundled and sold off like 2pac albums selling after he died. That ain’t gonna happen if its just my mom and dad at my funeral. I need at least triple digits, preferably 4, at my funeral sobbing their dicks off. I’m not talking about some sniffles and a single tear trickling down their cheeks. I wants people sobbing like North Koreans when Kim Jong Il died. Preferably some smokes.
PS – I think this could be a solid gig for me on the side. Its like getting paid 50 bucks a pop to crash funerals like Chazz Reinhold. That ain’t bad as a second job.