Stoolie Commenter Leaves His Cell Number For Me To Call So He Can Defend His Fat Aunt Who Went On Jeopardy Last Night

Blog from last night:

So lets start with the fact that she called herself a Domestic Goddess. Gimme a break babe. You’re a fatso housewife.

But more importantly how does she go on Jeopardy with no sleeves??? How could she possibly think thats a good idea?? How does she have nobody in her life who’s like “Hey Twyla, why don’t you cover up?” Bitch looks like someone switched her thighs with her arms.

PS – Twyla?? Not even Antonio Cromartie would name one of his daughters Twyla. What the fuck is going on here?? Shes got thighs for arms. A black name. Refers to herself as goddess. Jiminy fucking cricket.

KFC,

In that post yesterday about that large Jeopardy lady with thighs for arms, a dude in the comment section said the lady was his aunt and she was intelligent and beautiful on the inside. He put his phone number as his username and said if anyone had shit to say about his aunt to call him.

Now I’m not a genuinely mean person, but I was genuinely curious. I really wanted to know if some dude really would put his number out on the comment section for a bunch of heathens to see, so I called him.

I have about a 35 minute drive home from work everyday and I usually just reflect on how shitty my life is so I figured investigating this comment section phone number would be a nice change from my usual sad pattern.

Turns out he was just a seemingly normal guy defending his aunt. He said I was the fifth person that called him and the other guys were all dickheads. We chatted for 6 minutes and decided if two men that have never met speak for any longer it would be weird.

Then I got to thinking, how fucking weird is the internet? I just called a kid in Indiana or Illinois or whatever god forsaken state he lives in just because we frequent the same smut website. Bizarre.

Half way through this email my buddy called to tell me he fucked his step sister.

A West Coast Stoolie

Well this is just about my favorite thing of all time. I didn’t even know that this guy was posting his cell phone number in the comments section until I got this email. I could have just included him in the comments of the week blog but he deserves his own post.

How fucking wacky is this cat? I mean yea you gotta respect him for defending his fat aunt. I can’t imagine this is the first time someone has said Aunt Twyla has thighs for arms. He’s ready to go to war for his family. But you gotta be a special sort of lunatic to leave your phone number in the comments section of Barstool Sports. Like do you think for even one nanosecond I entertained the idea of calling that dude and letting the animals in the comments section get ahold of my phone number? For sure not. Hey 708 I make fun of strangers behind the veil of internet anonymity, alright? Thats my shtick. Thats what I do. I’m sure your Aunt Twyla is a lovely person but that doesn’t mean someone replaced her arms with thighs and she flaunted them on the set of Jeopardy. I gotta call her out for that. And no, I wont be calling you to debate inner beauty vs external beauty.

But do you know who will? Fucking Stoolies, you psychopath. I give it like 45 minutes before this bastard has to change his phone number. So now you got a fat aunt and about 500 internet troll lunatics who are going to blow you up all weekend. Hope it was worth it!

PS – Absolutely love this email from West Coast Stoolie. “How weird is the internet?” is so fucking true. A random fat woman goes on Jeopardy and now we’ve got a cell phone commenter controversy. Last week I spoke for 45 minutes with a kid who won Global Guts 20 years ago. I’m pretty sure I got some random dude fired because he said “Midas whale” on twitter. Viva La Internet! Viva La Stool!

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