Scientists Figured Out How To Shut Chicks Up

TelegraphAmerican researchers found females are the more talkative sex because of a special “language protein” in the brain. The study, compiled by neuroscientists and psychologist from the University of Maryland, concluded that women talked more because they had more of the Foxp2 protein. The research, published in the Journal of Neuroscience, found that higher levels were found among humans that were women but in rats they were males. Their findings come after it was previously claimed that ladies speak about 20,000 words a day – more than 13,000 more than men. In their study, the researchers attempted to determine what might make male rats more vocal than their female friends. According to tests compiled on the parts of the brain known to be involved in vocal calls showed the male rats to have up to twice as much Foxp2 protein as the females. The researchers then increased the production in the brains of female rats and reduced it in males. This led to the female rats crying out more often. In contrast, males became less “talkative”. The researchers then tested samples from ten children, aged between three and five, which showed that females had up to a 30 per cent more of the Foxp2 protein than males in a brain area key to language.

Sit back, AIDS. Wait your turn, cancer. I demand all scientists work in unison to figure out a magic pill to combat our #1 epidemic, and that’s Foxp2. It’s a historic day to know we’ve not only isolated the cause of chick babble, but successfully tested the ability to kill its production. Now it’s time for all hands on deck to produce an over-the-counter way to make the world a better place. End the chatterbox. I’ve seen Jimmy Johnson pitching ExtenZe for a bigger dick & Joe Theismann’s solution for a smaller prostate. But if I don’t see Oscar Pistorious peddling a product that shuts your girl up after he gets away with shooting his girl in her piehole, we’ve failed as a society.

20,000? That’s as many words per day than points LeBron’s scored in 10 years. Let’s break that down. Based on KFC’s scale of female stupidity, women about half as smart as men and talk 3 times as much. My calculations show that’s 16,500 useless words that fall out of every single chick’s mouth every single god damn day – most of which land in the ears of men. Side effects of that include irritability, short temper, temporary deafness & infidelity. It helps you too, ladies, so you should be pushing just as hard for the mainstream cure. No, you still won’t be funny or interesting, but at least you’ll be way less annoying & slightly easier to pay attention to.

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