Last night the Grammys were dominated by fat chicks. It was Kelly Clarkson and Miranda Lambert and Adele wearing a tablecloth everywhere you looked. At one point it was honestly hard to find a woman to objectify and speak about sexually. Thank God for that slut Rihanna, Funbags Perry and Taylor Swift and her newly purchased tits. You could probably swap out Carrie Underwood for one of these chicks but these are the three we’re gonna go with. Who ya got?
Ordinarily I kill Rihanna. Her head is so gigantic. That forehead is like the size of an Arena League Football field. Plus she’s a trashbag who’s had Chris Brown run through her. And in the past she’s had that thick black girl body. But it looks like she’s done enough cocaine to kill a small nation and now she’s basically just a skinny tan slut. Thats hard to turn down for a “Fuck” when you’re doing Marry Fuck Kill.
I gotta kill Taylor Swift. She’s a notorious prude, very annoying, and the last thing I’d wanna do is give her material for another song after I smash her out on a one night stand. Even with her new fake tits, she just can’t win me over. Especially when he fake boobs don’t even hold a candle to Katy Perry’s bombs.
Gotta marry those tits. And I’m not even a big tits guy. But those bombs in that dress did something special for me. I was literally speechless when I saw her in that get up. She’s a little bit wacky for sure. But thats all the better – you definitely want your wife to be weird and kinky in bed. Got a whole lifetime of fucking to try to keep interesting. Marry her and her gigantic tits and bank account.