Daily Mail – A lucky university student today said his dreams had ‘come true’ after he landed a job as an international water slide tester. Seb Smith, 22, beat off competition from 2,000 applicants to fill the £20,000-a-year role with holiday company First Choice. The design technology student will visit sun-soaked holiday locations like Majorca, Turkey, Egypt and even Jamaica, staying at the firm’s 20 Splash World resorts over a six-month period. Mr Smith described his summer job as a ‘dream come true’. He will now be given a six-month contract with all overseas travel expenses paid on top of his £20,000 salary. And as a reward for all his ‘hard-work’ at the end of the contract he will receive a seven-night holiday for two staying at an all-inclusive resort. Luke Gaskins, head of Holiday Innovation at First Choice, said: ‘We’re thrilled to have Seb as our new slide tester and to welcome him as part of the First Choice team. We were impressed by his enthusiasm and skills at every stage of our search and at the final it was clear that we’d found the ideal person for the role of slide tester.’ The tour operator advertised the post after their last water slide tester Tommy Lynch, 33, from Liverpool, hung up his trunks after four years in the role to move to a new job.
No shit, I know. The interesting part is the last sentence. I’m dying to know what job Tommy Lynch dropped a 4-year water slide testing career for. What’s better than getting paid to vacation all around the world screaming your balls off as you fly down water slides all day? Only downsides I can think of are picking wedgies constantly and maybe your face hurting from smiling 24/7. Fair trade-off for having a Tommy Bahama work wardrobe & this as your cubicle:
Yet somehow it wasn’t enough for Mr. Lynch anymore. He felt trapped at the same dead-end gig for 4 years and needed to find something that was more fulfilling. Maybe there was an opening for a new Vagina Depth Tester at the Playboy Mansion. That’s the only natural progression I can think of. I guess water slides are like women. Where there’s a 10 who’s a freak, there’s a guy growing bored of banging her*.
*fuck those guys, and fuck Tommy Lynch…and fuck Seb Smith while I’m at it.