If You Banged Hookers Or Sexted Your Dick Or Groped Women, You’ve Got A Future In NYC Politics

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Lohud - Well, they didn’t kill anybody. Did they? I am referring of course to New York City’s tabloid trinity of heavy breathing—Anthony “Tweet” Weiner, Vito “Gropez” Lopez and Eliot “Client 9” Spitzer. Sex is their thing, but I don’t think anybody would equate their style of compulsive behavior with the amorous obsessions of Don Draper, or even, dare we say, Bill Clinton. It’s really something to behold. Take them one at a time. Weiner resigned from Congress in disgrace after being exposed for tweeting photos of his fully-aroused eponymous self to women he didn’t know. From all undiagnosed appearances, he was a narcissistic pervert—the cyber equivalent of a dirty old man in a raincoat. His behavior has inspired pun after late-night pun—and now look at him, he’s leading in the polls for mayor. Lopez resigned from the state Assembly in disgrace after being exposed for sexually harassing women in his office, despite receiving cover from one of the most powerful political figures in the state, Speaker Sheldon Silver. Lopez can’t keep his grubby hands to himself. He’s like the creepy uncle you don’t leave alone with your daughter — and now look at him, he’s thinking of running for city council. And, finally, there’s Spitzer, the governor and moral crusader who resigned in disgrace after being exposed for frequenting a high-end prostitution service at $1,000 a pop. We learned more about “Client 9” than we cared to know, including a tidbit that he did the deed without removing his black socks — and now look at him, he’s running for city comptroller. They are less than the sum of their private parts. However, thanks to the power of name recognition, it’s conceivable all three could win.

America loves a comeback story. They identify with the guy making amends and returning to a life of success.

They also love voting for the dude who’s name they already know and they identify with guys who were just looking to get rocks. Personally I don’t really give a shit about that Lopez guy. Not sure who he is or what he’s running for and it sounds like he flat out just groped chicks which isn’t really cool. So fuck that guy. But Spitzer and Weiner are A-OK in my book. I would absolutely love to fuck Ashley Dupree. To the point that I’d pay money for it. So bingo bango, me and Elliot already got something in common. And honestly who hasn’t had their finger on the trigger about to send some chick a dick pic or two? Seriously, Weiner sending his Jew cock around is almost a plus in my book. I don’t trust a dude who doesn’t think about sending out a sext or 2 to get laid.

And spare me the dog and pony show about them being married. Married shmarried. The wives of politicians are nothing but pawns. The politicians know it, the wives know it, the public knows it. Thats just an arranged situation for political success. So at the end of the day, Elliot and Weiner are just a couple of New York Jews with a ton of experience who’s only negative attribute is that they want to fuck chicks. They got my vote.

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