A lot of you are wondering how I got here. Your kind words like “fuck you Nick” and “kill yourself” have been inspirational. So here you go. Here is a list of companies I worked for: Target, Best Buy, AT&T and Angie’s List. I’m was a shitty worker because I just never cared. Last year, I won the Great Indiana Mic Off, a year long competition against some 400 comics in Indiana. I decided to quit my job at Angie’s List and try to do stand-up full time. I went to Denver to do some work, but before I left I put up the first Coach Kent Murphy video on YouTube. After being in Denver for 8 days, the video caught on and I was asked to do a radio show in New Jersey, so I came back east. From there, Heath quit his job and we filmed 23 more Kent Murphy Episodes over the summer. Somewhere in the middle of that, Pres contacted me about writing for Barstool. I told him we were in the process of moving to LA to chase the dream whatever that even means. Turns out Pres wanted us to start up the blog on the west coast and thought the angle of two dudes dropping their shit and moving to LA was exactly what LA is all about. So far, all I’ve met are people that moved out here from somewhere else. I’m broke as fuck, have a tiny ass apartment that came with a refrigerator, which is rare out here, and so far day one has kicked ass on the stool.
And that’s basically it for me. I’m as broke as you are, I hate work, and if I die in a car crash, I blame you all. Thank you.
P.S. Heath is working on a Smoke Show now.
God your face is so punchable
I hate your face
You won’t last
that’s a face that I want nowhere near my sweet little asscheeks
You look like Dana Carvey on Heroin
Wooah bro. Get your mug outta my grill piece broseph
Not good enough. The mob demands blood. Consign us your first born
You won’t punch my face you sidewinder
This should have been your first blog. Welcome to LA.
Welcome to the Stool. Don’t fuck up.
“Came to LA to chase my dream” you sound like girls I fuck on Backpage.com
Cute story. I heard Manzo won best comic in indiana too
Good. Now go back to where you came from and learn how to be entertaining. Take the hint you didn’t make it in comedy. Plus there’s already too many bloggers on here with mustaches. Pretty sure I’ve seen your face on the news 6 times this week. And twice on Sunday.
Do you have teeth you redneck?
Never thought I would say this, but I like you now, Nick. Thanks for the introduction. Ya’ll can downvote me for that.
Nick rooted for Kobayashi to beat Chestnut.
You are one ugly muthafcka dude
I want to punch you in the face so bad. You garbage transplants in LA soil the earth. Go back to the Midwest where youre from.
Looking forward to the “how I left here” blog
Alessia, your ass, my face, they should meet.
If you want to succeed, make sure to be EXACT OPPOSITE of Zollo.
ur more sensitive then the guys i used to fuck in prison, but they had a far better sense of humor
Nick listens to Zollo’s mixtapes.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=505644244336&set=t.20700979&type=3&theater your boy heath has suicidal friends…. #downvoteme
Were the other 399 comics Neil?
Blow me faggot
did it really take that much to quit your job at angies list?
Go fuck your own face.
congrats on admitting to being a failure your parents must be proud
Face is overboard, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt
worst facial hair in the game
i hate you so much. I hate change. I love kfc and big cat. Die
I’ve been laughing at Coach Kent Murphy for months. Love it. Welcome to LA, I’d love to buy you a beer sometime.
Dole called, they want all that peach fuzz you stole.
I’m also from Indiana, worked at AT&T and am moving to LA in 4 months. What up bro! Indiana 4eva.
November 4, 2013: The Day Portnoy Became a Sellout
Homeless Dean Ambrose.
Whatever, you don’t seem like a complete douche, but the concept of Barstool LA just doesn’t make sense. Don’t you need authors who are actually FROM the city, who are one with the identity? I get that LA is a transient city, but then again, so is DC. But at least Pres found Nate, a guy who clearly has a passion for DMV sports. You LA nomads can’t possibly have your finger on the pulse of the city, so when you write shit about Chris Paul and Steve Nash and why there’s no football in the city, it feels forced and faked. Too many words, but you know I’m right.
PS – Need Heaths name to be “Heath Nasty”.
and i thought handsome hank was ugly, jesus fuck
Hey Nick ya queer it’s nice to see ya!
Not to mention that you two view this gig like Jenna Marbles did. You’re using it as a stepping stone and will be outta here as soon as you get any name recognition.
When can we expect your first LA Sparks blog?
Ok. I hate you less, but I still hate you.
Short fucking leash your on Little Nicky don’t disappoint.
*Stands Ups, slams fist on table* I TOO, AM A FAN OF NICK NOW! *Starts slow clap*
Pres saw a video and decided you could blog? No wonder this sites dying and you fucking suck
its ambrose!! thats it..im like..who the fuck is this guy…homeless dean ambrose. no doubt.
Question: You moved to Denver, got a call for a radio interview in New Jersey, and you left right away for it? And then you went back to Indiana to film more Kent Murphy vids? Take a seat young man.
Fuck you nick
Hi guys, here’s a little bit more about me. I’m funnier than 399 people in indiana and i’m a real funny guy once you get to know me.
That face is uncomfortably similar to the face seen in the mirror after cranking stick to an ebony vid and just wondering “is there any morality left in this man I see”
Dont listen to em Nick…West coast needs to be represented and you are a pretty funny guy….Keep steppin Bra !!!
i hate acknowledging other commenters but @marfff is spot on
Look Nick, its sports, chicks, getting shitfaced and random patriotic bullshit. THATS IT. Go watch the Taffer clips and if you can’t focus on these things, SHUT IT DOWN!!!!
kill yourself you pedofile
SHUT IT THE FUCK DOWN
Your facial hair is like golden velvet.
winning a standup title in indiana is like being the smartest kid with downs
‘I already know some commenters wildly spew idiotic jokes as threats. Please bear with me as I tell myself that for the next 3 months to avoid actual criticism, at which time I will get fired’
could you have picked a more retarded picture of yourself.. the answer is undoubtedly yes
“I bet she shits tic tacs” Definitely gonna be tough turning smokes away now. You fucking Heathbar
Saw you on YouTube, stand ups are supposed to be funny. I’ve laughed more at Economics lectures. Maybe you’re a teacher? Coach Baseball whatever is a lame ass Jeff Foxworthy type rip minus the funny part. Eat a bag of dicks homo. P.S. can you recommend a good plumber, Angie’s List douche?
NEIL > nick
you’ll be adding to your list of previous employers by week’s end
Fuck. Even more dog shit to read while at work? I’ll be fired before Christmas.
Is Heath your husband or something?
If you’re the funniest guy in Indiana, I have to say you gotta be pretty damn funny. Good luck.
I like Nick.
I’m was a shitty proof reader too. You are going to fit right in here.
I really expect your gusto making a big career move by going from Target to Best Buy, really climbing the social ladder
This is gonna get really fucking good
John Quincy Adams called, he wants his sideburns back….
I feel like, deep down, your Beyer
If you can get through more than 2 minutes then you are better than me, or just missing some chromosomes like this fuck
^fuck the app, anyways, fuck you nick
I can’t imagine how difficult a first day here would be. I’m willing to give LA a shot but just know this: you’re on a short leash. I think we are most mad that pres gave us zero warning
So you’re the top and Heath is the Bottom?
Pretty sure Nick clicks on the incest vids on youjizz
You should give us free Angie’s List accounts. Then we’ll let you live.
Funniest guy in Indiana? Tell me more!!!
Redneck Domingo Ayala, without the humor http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neHgPKWY4Qg
Quite the resume you got there you faggot
What is the thick thing over your right shoulder?? Looks unique.
If you’re unable to make a small room full of quiet, respectful audiences laugh what in god’s name makes you think thousands of anonymous assholes will find you remotely funny? I don’t blame you, you took the gig. Pres on the other hand will be writing off this investment in no time.
why the fuck does everyone do this but Nate? #FireNate
You look like the fucking t-rex looking into the car in Jurassic Park… you’re looking in at a camera you idiot!
just watched some of the kent vids and i think we just found someone kfc could beat in the 40…… nick, he showed up.
Uncharacteristic lack of judgement from Portnoy…
Hey nick- die of aids you faggot
This site will last as long as me getting a few pumps in Biel’s sweet cheeks
By the way bragging about being the funniest guy in Indiana is like bragging about being the smartest retard, you dildo
Gone forever Aaron Hernandez
This dude will hang himself in under a week
I respect the fact that you do stand up. Typing jokes on your lap top is one thing, getting up there making a room full of skeptics laugh is another.
Redeeming Neil every single day, didn’t know that was possible.
people need to fucking calm down, seriously. You’d think your mothers all died the way you react. It’s just a blog for another city, god forbid that happens. dudes actually not bad, but the badwagon affect of the comment section is in full swing. some dick head doesn’t like something and then everyone feels the need to make some dude they’ve never met feel like he did something wrong by being born. Dont understand it and probably never will. Now cue the downvotes.
“So far, all I’ve met are people that moved out here from somewhere else.” That would be all the Mexicans. Your average Los Angeles sports fan is either some rich jackass bandwagoner from Santa Monica or the Palisades, or a Mexican driving a lowered Chevy pickup with a Raiders/Lakers bumper sticker. Not exactly Barstool’s core market. Keep it east coast, this is a horrible idea. Sincerely, bitter Dodgers fan from north LA.
@patriotnation is right on the money. The comment section on LA has been downright embarrassing today.
People like you are why I hope California will suffer a massive earthquake and fall off the earth.
Guys, it’s okay, Heath is working on a smokeshow. Should be up any minute now.
@castoolie – WTF is north LA? Poser.
The fuck is a sidewinder?
I more concerned about how you’re gonna leave
“I’m was a shitty worker because I just never cared” You’re a shitty writer too
I’ve honestly never seen a face I wanted to punch so bad
Look on the bright side, I guess Costco starts you out a $12/hr and they have a decent benefits package.
wait. so you and heath are gay for each other?
Neil Ryan was a legend. I knew Neil Ryan and you sir are no Neil. Now kindly fuck off
So I’ve watched a lot of your videos. Heres my review: YOU FUCKING SUCK DUDE, NEVER CHUCKLED ONCE AT ANY OF YOUR SHIT! NOT EVEN YOUR STUPID KENT MURPHY CRAP. How you are going to equate to blogging is fucking beyond me. Call fat Angie..beg for your job back
This guy wears TOMS
The abuse you and Heath will get from the commenters on here will make Jonathan Martin’s treatment from Richie Incognito look like child’s play.
You have never banged a 6.5 or over
I’m not broke you fucking dick.
What’s the deal with your face?
@dicknaugle meant to say north of LA. I’m just one of the many people who don’t like to be associated with the shithole that has become Los Angeles. You must drive around with a SOCAL sticker on your truck.
Just want you to humm some good shit at us Nick. Write blogs and bump fuzz, that’s the new you
sniff my butthole you queer
I thought this was going to make me hate you less but about 3 lines in I decided I do in fact hate you
@castoolie – fair enough. There’s a reason I moved to SD and it isn’t because I love Mexicans. I do wish I owned a truck, though. A smoke who shits tic tacs would fit way better in that than in my shitty, old Focus.
fuck you homeless dean ambrose
I can’t tell if the sentence “I’m was a shitty worker because I just never cared” is intentionally or unintentionally the most appropriate sentence ever for a “writer” describing how they don’t give a fuck about their job. Guess you still don’t give a shit? At least it’s good to see LA hasn’t changed you yet, you’re still a shitty worker!
Fuck you Nick!
If you said “kill yourself faggot” in that second line jt would’ve been funnier, stopped there
Are you sure you didn’t move out to California to mine for gold in them thar’ hills? Jesus, Gabby, clean it up.
well done with the refrigerator comment. you east or west of the 405?
And this one time… at band camp…
Recently purchased a year old BMW Five Series Sedan by working part time off of a laptop… additional resources>>> http://zapit.nu/JMa
ever thought about becoming a muppet or a character on sesame street?
actually, you’d make a great sock puppet
are you an albino?
Dude looks like a fucking turtle
Kobe, Kobee, Kobeee, come out and playaayaaay!
Good luck to ya Nate…Norm…Nick…whatever.
Do us a favor. Don’t write, or speak. Just creep on hot celebrity bitches and get us sweet pictures of said creeping.
Kent Murphy definitely touches little boys
Oh great, the funniest guy in Indiana one year is now a blogger for Los Angeles.
your the worst. please kill yourself…
You look like George bush’s retarded fag twin brother
147 and counting, each comment lamer than the rest. Here’s how these things go down, stool does something new, day one stoolies race to see who can be the meanest and stupidest commenter, most if not all fall flat with all the typical canned responses (does anal, in your moms basement blah blah blah).
Typical and stupid, give the dudes a chance, LA is a gold mine for smokes and jokes so tip of the hat to prez for opening up the western front. Viva indeed!
No need for a paternity test….Randy Johnson is your father.
Fuck off dude we’re not broke dont try to relate you fucking homo
How is some out of town dipshit going to represent LA? What a joke. I hope you catch cat aids.
“the video caught on” – with 315k views, it “caught on” ? Babies shitting out corn get more pageviews than that
so basically Pres thinks Entourage is a documentary…gotcha
are you even a stoolie?
Being the funniest guy in Indiana is liking being the smartest kid on the short bus. You filmed a bunch of shitty YouTube videos of being a pedophile coach which weren’t funny. You’re not LA so go fuck yourself when you try to talk about LA like you actually know.
where’s your upper lip?
If I didn’t hate you before seeing your ugly fucking face, I definitely hate you with the heat of a millions Suns.
Now that we know how you got here, how do we make you leave?
Nick you look like a retarded Christian Bale.
To the pussy commenting up top saying the comment section is too hard on this retarded-looking Ron Howard or that the insults aren’t funny. Wrong on both counts. Faggots like this Nick fellow need to be told early and often that they suck and should go get a real job. Otherwise, you end up with a bunch of George Lopez/Dane Cook/Larry the Cable Guy/Carlos Mencia faggots running around thinking they are funny instead of ripping tickets at the local movie theater where they belong. My over/under on this LA douche is January 15th, only because Portnoy will be loathe to admit he fucked up sooner than that.
Being the funniest guy in Indiana is like being the toughest dude in an AIDS clinic. Don’t be stealing that shit for your act! I got it time stamped bitch!
“I’m was a shitty worker because I just never cared” — or you are just fucking lazy and stupid and will never amount to shit.
welcome aboard!! First rule of Barstool FUCK THE HATERS!!
This picture being at the top of the page on every page is really pissing me off. There’s not a face I want to punch more right now then this douchebag.
I wonder if pres warned you about the comment section?
ive had 24 hrs to think about it..nope, you still are an unfunny douche
prez…no joke….are you SERIOUS MAN? I don’t even know what to think.
maybe you can go to the whorehouse with Bieber.
Welcome aboard Nick! These are some of the nicer comments you will receive. I hope you have the skin of a fucking rhinoceros.
Good luck bro. hopefully you are tougher than Neil.
i refuse to read this mans bullshit
When are you gonna fucking post something?
I dislike you
Either shave or grow your beard. Make a decision. Until then, you have earned no respect.
follow my blog on twitter @portal_time
Striking resemblance to Mr. Potato Head
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