BEAVERTON, Ore., Jan. 22 (UPI) — An Oregon man holding a sign at the roadside said he isn’t seeking money — he’s looking for a kidney donor. Earl Martinez, 28, of Beaverton said he was born with a genetic kidney disease that required him to receive dialysis treatments for four hours three times a week during the past 18 months, KOIN-TV, Portland, Ore., reported Tuesday. “I definitely don’t need money,” Martinez said from the roadside. “I just need a kidney.” Martinez said the genetic disease, Alport Syndrome, prevents him from receiving kidney donations from family members. “Need Kidney Donor,” his sign reads. “My insurance would cover all medical costs on my side and the donors side,” Martinez said. “The donor would have no medical costs at all.”
Bro if you’re gonna ask me to pull over and hook you up with a kidney, you better bring the noise with that sign. “Need Kidney Donor” is not gonna cut it. Be like those guys who hold those signs “Ninjas kidnapped my family. Need money for karate lessons” or some shit. “Woke up in a tub of ice with a kidney missing. Need donor.” I’d rather you just run out there with “I’m gonna fuckin die if I don’t get a new kidney, can I have yours?” Go for shock value or pull on my heartstrings or something. Because “Need Kidney Donor” just isn’t gonna get the job done.