Doctors Conclude That Special K Horse Tranquilizers Can Cure Depression

Huff Po – A new study, conducted by researchers at the Baylor College of Medicine in Houston and Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York, shows that the experimental party drug, ketamine, can alleviate depression symptoms in just hours, according to a news release. In the largest study ever conducted on ketamine’s antidepressant capabilities, the drug, which is legally used as an anesthetic, was shown to quickly reduce depression in participants after just one 40-minute IV dose. Most medications available today can take days, if not weeks, to reduce symptoms. A group of 72 patients, who previously failed to respond to other antidepressant medications, were randomly given the drug or a placebo. Within one day, 64 percent of the patients who had been given ketamine reported fewer depression symptoms, while only 28 percent of the placebo group reported reduced symptoms. The drug shows potential for long-lasting results, too. After one week, 46 percent of the ketamine-assigned patients still reported reduced depression symptoms after taking the ketamine, compared to 18 percent in the placebo group. While it may be a quick-fix — and a potential long-term solution — for depression, there are several health risks associated with the hallucinogenic drug. Users who take a high enough dose of the drug, often snorted in powder form, are prone to falling into a “K-hole,” described as an inescapable, often terrifying out-of-body experience.

Oh well how about that! Hallucinogenic tranquilizers will make you feel good! Who fucking knew? Depressed because you’re divorced? Just trip your balls off and forget about that shit. Lose a member of your family? Take a bump and hallucinate they’re still around. Just keep a steady stream of synthetic happiness courtesy of ketamine coursing through your body and you’ll be happy as a fucking clam. And I can tell you what will make you forget about your petty little problems REAL fucking quick, and thats dropping into a K Hole. When you’re falling through a bottomless pit and you can’t remember if you’re a human being or not I can promise you won’t be worrying about whether or not your parents love you enough. Its really a win win. Either you take the perfect amount of Special K and you’re tranquil as fuck or you OD on that shit and you have a whole new outlook on the word “depression.” Either way when you come back to life you’ll stop crying like a little bitch.

 

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