Derek Jeter’s Smokeshow Lineup

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So yesterday this baseball diamond of Jeter smokes from ESPN was all the rage. Its an absolutely OUTRAGEOUS lineup of smokes on Jeter’s resume. Absolutely untouchable as far as quality. But obviously whats more important is Jeter’s batting order. Where do smokes of this caliber bat? I’m not even exaggerating, I started making this batting order last night and I just finished today. Its probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I’m like the manager of the sexiest team of smokes of all time and I gotta find a way to fit them all in. Its absolutely impossible to do without having some bonafied dimes batting last. So after much deliberation here’s what I came up with. Note: Assume everyone is in their prime when Jeter originally fucked them:

1) Minka



If there’s one smoke you want getting 700+ at bats a year, its a potato sack smoke like Minka Kelly. She’s one of the most underrated smokes of all time. She’s the kinda chick who every time you look up, shes on base. Nothing fancy. Just under the radar SMOKE. Sidenote – I still think Jeets eventually settles down with her

2) Jordana Brewster

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Continuing with the underrated theme for the top of the lineup, Jordana Brewster. Never achieved the same level of fame as a lot Jeter’s conquests. Which is surprising. Usually he only dumps them once they get famous. Brewster never blew up, but she still got the boot. I wonder if she gives bad head? Either way her and Minka as a 1-2 under appreciated punch at the top of the order just wreaking havoc on the bases.


3) Lima

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In her prime, Lima was the hottest chick Jeter ever fucked. You could make the strong argument that at her peak she was just the hottest chick ever, period. The hottest Brazilian Victorias Secret model  in the history of VS lands the 3 hole.

4) Alba

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Batting cleanup is Alba. I have a feeling a lotta people would but her 3rd. Its almost a coinflip really. Either way I think his top 2 are Lima/Alba in some order. Either way its like The Babe and Gehrig of smokes.

5) Biel

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Biel’s Ass protecting Alba’s Ass in the lineup. How do you fucking pitch to this team??? They’re relentless. They just don’t stop.

6) Scar Jo


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The best rack Derek Jeter has undoubtedly titty fucked. Isn’t that funny to think about? Like you just think about Jeter fucking these chicks but you don’t think about all the other stuff they must of done. Jeets TF’d Scar Jo. She watched him awkwardly have sex with her torso. Pearl Necklace’d her. What a life.

7) Tyra

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Tyra Banks went on to become a frumpy annoying TV host, so a lot of people forget just how fucking hot she was when Jeter tagged her. A lot of guys will say she’s the hottest black chick of all time. Pretty much the only black smoke Jeter ever publicly dated. The vanilla side of that black and white cookie dominates his love life. Hiding her in the 7 hole is probably a slap in the face to the 1997 Tyra, but someone has to start out the bottom of the order.

8) Hannah Davis

Every championship team has that one young superstar just breaking into the league. Much like the Jeter himself on the 96 Yankees. Thats what Hannah Davis is on this team. In a few years she may grow into a middle of the lineup type of smoke. But right now she’s surrounded by Hall of Famers. Not her time yet.

9) Mariah

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Mariah in the 9 hole strictly for the crazy factor. She’s by no means the hottest chick Jeter has ever fucked. But I guarantee there are times where Jeter is balls deep in a Victoria’s Secret model who’s 100 times hotter than her but he’s still reminiscing about some KINKY shit he did with Mariah back in 97. Some crazy latex femdom shit where she just decimated his dick.

Bench: Vanessa Minnillo

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Just doesn’t have the same allure as the other chicks. Not as hot. Doesn’t have the same sex factor. Shes just kinda blah in Jeter’s world. She’s Nick Lachey material. Not Captain material.

There you have it. The greatest lineup since the 27 Yankees.

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