When A Man On a Secret Mission Steals Honey Buns And Energy Drinks, You Let Him Steal Honey Buns And Energy Drinks

Fox 5 - A man arrested by Polk County deputies — after throwing a piece of concrete through the glass door of a convenience store in an effort to steal energy drinks, cigarettes and a honey bun — told them he was on a “secret and classified mission” when he committed the crimes, according to the Polk County Sheriff’s Office.

Deputies said around 3:30 Tuesday afternoon, Ryan Fricks broke through the front door of the Little Dixie #2 store. Once inside, deputies said the 22-year-old took two packs of Newport cigarettes, two Monster energy drinks, and a honey bun. The total value of items he stole was around $20. The damage to the front door, however, was around $1,000

Deputies who interviewed Fricks after arresting him quoted him as saying, “I was just wanting a drink, I didn’t care about the [expletive] money… I busted the front door because I was thirsty.” He also told deputies he was walking to Frostproof from Lake Wales the night before, on a “secret and classified mission,” but could not disclose details of what the mission entailed. He continued to confess for breaking into the convenience store and stealing the items.

This is a tough case. On one hand you can’t go around all willy nilly throwing concrete bricks through glass windows. I totally get that. Totally understand that as a society we generally cannot allow that to happen. Generally being the key word there. Because when you’re on a secret and classified mission, you’re on a secret and classified mission, and you can toss societal norms out the window. Ryan Fricks didn’t want to break into that convenience store, Ryan Fricks had to break into that convenience store. He reminds me of the guy from the future who jumped behind the counter at Arby’s because that’s how shit works in the future. We aren’t here to tell people on secret missions how to do their missions, nor tell people from the future how things work in the future.

PS: When it comes to snacks from the convenience store to steal, honey buns are primo. Just a great, delicious snack. I trust Ryan Fricks on pretty much any and every secret mission on Earth.