The Wizards' Near-Collapse, Blackhawks Chick Gets Dominated By The Glass, And A Shark Tank Recap.... It's The Saturday Morning Sports Corner

Banks here with another edition of the Saturday Morning Sports Corner. New site, same usual fire. I’m toiling my Saturday away in the cube, while you’re struggling just to find your shoes. I’m resisting the urge to knock the next person who calls tax season “opportunity season” square in the nose, while you’re trying to figure why your jaw hurts so much. It’s all good though, while you were out having a good time trying to slam strange, I was keeping up with everything going on in the sports world. Missed it all? I’ve got you covered. Let’s roll.

NBA

First up on ESPN was a Suns-Nets OT thriller. The Suns made a strong 13 point comeback in the 4th to force OT, but not before my boy Alex Len sorta got dunked on by Markel Brown. The real hero of this vine though, is Alan Anderson flying off the bench

The Suns pulled away in OT when Brandon Knight made it a two-possession game with this jumper with 17 seconds left. Watching Brook Lopez play D here was sneaky hilarious

Then we were off to the Steph Curry show as the Warriors pummeled the Mavs. Just silly stuff as per usual

SNIPER!!!!!!!!!

There were 10 other games last night, here are your counts, followed by the usual highlights

Heat 97, Wizards 99

Raptors 94, Hornets 103

Bulls 84, Pacers 98

Kings 114, Magic 119

Jazz 89, 76ers 83

Cavaliers 97, Hawks 106

Pistons 93, Rockets 103

Lakers 90, Grizzlies 97

Celtics 104, Pelicans 98

Suns 108, Nets 100 (OT)

Nuggets 111, Spurs 120

Mavericks 89, Warriors 104

Wildest game of the night was Heat-Wizards. Los Wizards were like… super duper good there for a while. Put up a 40 spot in the 1st with Old Man Gooden even getting in on the fun

And had a 35 point lead midway through the 3rd after this tasty dime from John Wall.

And then like… the wheels came off and stuff.

But somehow they got bailed out by a last second play that Randy Wittman himself would be proud of.

Terrance Ross’ windmill slam was the best of the evening

But the Raptors took the L thanks to Lance Stephenson and his typical theatrics.

Anthony Davis ooped all over the entire Zeller family

BONUS COLLEGE HOOPS

Had ourselves a nice little March buzzer beater as Kris Brewer gave Kent State a share of the MAC regular season title.

NHL

About half the NHL was in action last night. Here are your scores…

Blue Jackets 3, Devils 2

Wild 3, Hurricanes 1

Sabres 2, Senators 3

Flames 5, Red Wings 2

Oilers 1, Blackhawks 2 (SO)

Penguins 5, Ducks 2

A potential goal-of-the-year candidate became a defensive play-of-the-year candidate with this ridiculous effort by Johan Larsson

Jordin Tootoo scored thanks to a gorgeous through-the-legs helper by Adam Henrique

Jordin Tootoo got his twig snapped and was embarrassed in public thanks to Nick Foligno

This gal in Chicago is a real trooper after getting her head split open by the glass. “I was hoping my brain wasn’t everywhere”

Good thing she stuck around to see this nifty little shootout winner from Antoine Vermette.

PGA Tour

This week we’re in Miami at the WGC-Cadillac Championship at Doral. JB Holmes stormed ahead to a 4 shot lead after an insane 1st round 62, but Ryan Moore among others were able to close the gap a bit Friday. You might think that Rory had a rough go yesterday after everyone watched him chuck his 3-iron into the drink, but he’s actually lurking just off this leaderboard at -1. I wouldn’t count him out.

The Par 5 #8 has been the site of a lot of action this week. Midas whale start with another look at that club toss. Great form, all in the hips.

Didn’t even watch it splash. Knew it was cash.

This wasn’t an ideal flop by Thongchai Jaidee on #8

Bubba Watson almost decapitated someone in the gallery on #18 with his tee shot on Thursday

But he made the shot of the week with this approach on #8

Shark Tank Recap

Another great episode of the best reality TV show going. They opened with this guy selling some sort of coconut cracking contraption. Capri game on fleek as the kiddos say.

Mr. Wonderful came in strong with some bullshit story about how he used to be a poorboy in Cambodia drinking water out of coconuts. Despite being engulfed by his own body stench, ol’ Beardy was able to sniff out his bullshit and struck a deal with Cuban. Ya boy Cubes was lovin it.

Next up was this redneck trying to sell this truckbed seating doohickey.

You could just smell the Griz wintergreen and cheap whiskey through the TV. Need to have a chaw with this guy in the worst way. His pitch ultimately failed because he wasn’t even the guy that invented it, he was just a partner who was a good salesman. The sharks saw right through that and gave him the boot. For shame, he seemed like a sharp cookie.

3rd pitch was some sort of sorority clothing line business.

Not a lot of talent here. I’ll be honest, I kinda spaced out during this pitch, so we’ll just do things the old-fashioned way and be on our way with this recap.

By the way, I think Lori got word that some sorority chicks were coming and reached back for a little extra on her fastball. Straight heat.

The last pitch was a feeding device for mothers with twins.

Pitches by couples like this one are some of my favorite. Why you might ask? Because men like these make me feel way better about where I’m at in life. They go on the show and do an incredibly corny routine orchestrated by their wife. It’s so fucking sad, yet it brings me so much joy. And this guy was one of my favorite yet. Jason Barsosky here is a shell of his former self. His bride sucked the life right out of him long long ago. Probably hasn’t JO’ed in years. His idea of a wild Sunday is probably sneaking into the garage to have himself a Coca-Cola (you just know he calls it Coca-Cola). I wouldn’t even be shocked if he took Michelle’s last name. That’s how sad this cat was.

And there you have it. Another Saturday morning in the books. As always, bosoms and keisters. Samantha Hoopes ladies and gents!