NIH Will Give You $3,000 If They Can Lock You Up and Give You The Flu

ABC7 - It may sound bizarre, but the rare type of research is a step in the quest for better flu vaccines. It turns out that how the body fends off influenza remains something of a mystery. “Vaccines are working, but we could do better,” said Dr. Matthew Memoli of the National Institutes of Health, who is leading the study that aims to infect up to 100 adults over the next year. Wait a minute: Flu is sweeping the country, so why not just study the already sick? That wouldn’t let scientists measure how the immune system reacts through each step of infection, starting with that first exposure to the virus. It’s not an experiment to be taken lightly. After all, the flu kills thousands of Americans a year. For safety, Memoli chose a dose that produces mild to moderate symptoms – and accepts only volunteers who are healthy and no older than 50. And to avoid spreading the germs, participants must spend at least nine days quarantined inside a special isolation ward at the NIH hospital, their health closely monitored. They’re not released until nasal tests prove they’re no longer contagious. The incentive: About $3,000 to compensate for their time. “I received a very scolding email from my mother” about signing up, Daniel Bennett, 26, said with a grin. “Their standards are so high, I don’t believe I’m in danger,” added Bennett, a restaurant worker from College Park, Md. “I don’t get sick that often.” A masked and gloved Memoli had Bennett lie flat for about a minute. “It will taste salty. Some will drip down the back of your throat,” Memoli said, before squeezing a syringe filled with millions of microscopic virus particles, floating in salt water, into each nostril. Sure enough, a few days later Bennett had the runny nose and achiness of mild flu. The best defense against influenza is a yearly vaccine, but it’s far from perfect. In fact, the vaccine is least effective in people age 65 and older – the group most susceptible to flu – probably because the immune system weakens with age. Understanding how younger adults’ bodies fight flu may help scientists determine what the more vulnerable elderly are missing, clues to help develop more protective vaccines for everyone, Memoli explained.

Hah, stupid poor people. Maybe this is the answer to “why is Maryland so rich?” Because we literally throw money at the poors to either make them sick or kill them, whichever comes first. You can get rich or die trying, in the most literal way possible. 3 grand is a nice chunk of change, but being quarantined for 9 days with a fucking 103 degree fever while scientists run tests on you does not sound worth it. Call me old fashioned, but when I’m sick I want my bed, my lap top, and my TV with Netlfix and HBO Go ready to roll, not a tube up my nose and needles out my ass. But hey, if you make it out alive, you have 3k and can put “human guinea pig” on your resume. Future employers love to see that you’re a true “go-getter” who “works well in high pressure situations” and are “so poor you voluntarily felt as miserable as possible for 2 weeks just so you could eat a hot meal”.