Football Players Cashing In On Huge Bonuses For Not Being Obese Is The Smartest Thing They’ve Ever Done

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PFT - Eddie Lacy isn’t the only one whose wallet is fatter today because the area in which men carry wallets isn’t.

According to Todd Archer of ESPN.com, the Cowboys paid offensive lineman Byron Bell $150,000 toward his workout bonus when he weighed in under 320 pounds.

Bell can earn another $300,000 if he hits his weight goals at the start of training camp and the opening week of the regular season.

The 28-year-old Bell is an experienced tackle, who could at least add some good depth to one of the league’s top offensive lines.

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I fucking love this new trend in NFL contracts. NFL agents are getting every last penny they can from teams and it’s so fucking smart. First with Eddie Lacy, his agent was like “you want my client to be your running back? Well then you better pay him to be under 250 pounds. Yes that’s correct sir, we want $55,000 every time an NFL running back is under 250 pounds. And throw in a bonus for being under 255 while you’re at it, bitch.”

And now we come to learn Byron Bell just made $150,000 for being under 320. Now, I suppose that is a little harder than Lacy’s weight goal because an O-Lineman and is basically paid to be fat, but I think 320 is a fair weight goal for the tackle, who has been upwards of 350 in the past. But the kicker is he can earn an additional 300!!!! thousand dollars if he continues on this trajectory. What a great life. Just cut out the 20 piece nuggets, cash million dollar paychecks, and get sweet bonus checks in between for not sweating gravy. The American Dream.

I can see it now- players purposely getting fat just to work these bonuses in. It’s kinda a win-win; it encourages them to stay in shape in the offseason, and they get rich for doing it. Maybe I’m woke, but I think Kelvin Benjamin went all Peter LaFleur on us just to make a few extra dollars. Want him to come into camp in shape, better pony up the big bucks.

 

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