Whoopsie Daisies: Man Gets The Wrong Testicle Removed

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A Pennsylvania man is $870,000 richer after a jury ruled his urologist committed “reckless indifference” when he removed the wrong testicle from his patient, PennLive.com reports. Steven Hanes’ right testicle had been causing him intense pain for 15 years. According to Fox 43, it was about half the size of the 54-year-old’s left testicle. Hanes consulted urologist Dr. V. Spencer Long in 2013, and Long recommended removing the painful testicle. But after the surgery, Long wrote in a report: “It appeared that the left testicle and cord may actually have been removed instead.” A follow-up visit confirmed that.

On Wednesday, a jury awarded Hanes $620,000 in damages for pain and suffering and $250,000 in punitive damages. Meanwhile, Hanes’ right testicle is still hurting.

Everyone relax. That’s actually potatoes.

Secondly, as someone who has experienced mild to moderate testicular discomfort lately, this story is nothing short of alarming. Folks, you gotta be sure which nut hurts before you start removing those bad boys like unruly protesters.

You can’t just haphazardly lop a man’s ball off. If my anatomy classes serve me right, a man cums through his balls and having only one ball greatly reduces those chances. Now poor Steven either has to deal with testicular discomfort or never cum again. Come again? That’s right. He might never be able to ejaculate. Even if he does, the flow would be less than impressive. Sad.

That being said, you could have both of my nuts and I’ll even sweeten the body parts pot with both of my nipples as a bonus if you cut me a check for 870k. I’d never get a transplant though. That’s for sure.

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