So this list popped up on the internet. From a road trip for the 2012 White Sox. And as we see from this list you have to have a good road name. Have to. Half to keep fans from bothering you and half to make sure your wife can’t get in touch with your hotel room when you’re slingin some road beef. Anyway, there were some pretty good names on the list. Art Vandelay, importer/exporter. Hank Hill, Ricky Bobby, Ferris Bueller, George Forman, Pete Maravich and Optimus Prime.
Top 3 definitely go to 1) Dr. Sphincter Pumpczek (almost guarantee this was AJ Pierzynski) 2) Judge Smalls (this feels like Don Cooper) and 3) Mr. Youngblood (maybe Konerko?). Also, I don’t know if Hawk officially travels with the team, I think he does, but if he is somewhere on this roster he is without a doubt Rooster Cogburn. That just screams Hawk. I bet he introduces himself as Rooster when he gets loaded at the hotel bar. Just a whole other side of him.
Love that Jordan Danks is just like, yeah no one gives a fuck about me, and Fukudome is probably like, “I’m going to put my real name down in case anyone wants to be my friend and maybe go out to dinner and actually talk to me for a change because I know I suck at baseball and stole the Cubs money”. The last part he might not have been thinking.