(Newser) – The idea of the dreaded Monday is quite a popular one—but it may not actually be true. A new study in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that people reported feeling basically the same on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Psychologists analyzed Gallup data from 340,000 Americans who were asked to recall their moods the day prior, using words like “enjoyment,” “happiness,” “worry,” or “sadness.”
The researchers found that moods began to improve on Fridays, and that people tended to report feeling happier on Saturdays and Sundays, the Washington Post notes. Interestingly, retirees were also happier on weekends—even though those weekends were no longer followed by the start of another work week.
This is hands down the worst “study” of all time. Hands down. You could interview 10 billion people on earth and you’d have the same shitty results if the word bank was “enjoyment”, “happiness”, “worry”, or “sadness”. Talk about stacking the deck. Who the fuck even uses those words? I don’t think I’ve ever once in my life said that I was worried or that I felt sadness. That’s chick talk.
How about actually using words and phrases that apply to monday. Like “Suicide”, “Rock Bottom”, “Hungover”, “I Feel like I need to fart but its probably diarrhea”, “If I drink enough coffee will I stop having the spins”, “I lost all my money gambling and boozing and I may not be able to pay rent this month”, “I’m 27 years old and my life is in utter shambles” “If I lean up on the El door hard enough could I possibly fall out and sue”. That’s Monday right there. Seriously this study makes my blood boil. You know why? Because next time I’m getting ready to kill myself on a Monday morning some asshole will tell me that a study says that Monday isn’t actually worse than any other day and then I’ll actually have to kill myself. That’s literally how I’m going to die. Because of this bullshit study.
If you didn’t read KFC’s blog about weekend behavior last week (link) it touches on this exact subject. Like no shit a bunch of middle age people don’t hate Monday as much as I do. They didn’t wake up in a gutter with puke on their shirt, a broken phone, and zero dollars in their pocket. I wouldn’t hate Monday either if my weekend was sipping cappuccinos and reading Home Gardening.
New twitter handle, @barstoolbigcat