So yesterday I posted a story about how I was going to buy Adam Schefter so that I could measure his height. Well wouldn’t you know it but just a mere hours after I submitted my request Schefter severed all ties with Thuzio and no can no longer be bought.
According to ESPN Spokesperson “Adam is no longer associated with them. He severed ties on his own after this story broke because of the way he was misrepresented.”
If we’re being perfectly honest I’m not shocked. Did I want to believe I could buy Schefter? Yeah, maybe for a minute I did, but deep in my heart I knew it wouldn’t be that easy. I feel sort of like Johnny Utah chasing Bodhi in Point Break. I’ve been to every city in Mexico. I came across an unclaimed piece of meat in Baja, turned out to be Rosie. I guessed he picked a knife fight with somebody better. Found one of your passports to Sumatra, I missed you by about a week at Fiji. Found you booking events online, but the trail went cold as soon as I submitted a request.
So Schefter, the pursuit continues. Just know, I won’t sleep. I won’t stop. I’m coming for you, and when I find you, I’m going to stick a tape measure in the ground and put it right up against the top of your midget head. I don’t know a lot in this world, but I know that. #WOOF