Barstool Sports

Chicago Tribune - This was no illusion. Magician David Copperfield says he heard a loud, crackling noise while flying to New York in a small private plane Monday morning, then was told the plane would have to make an unscheduled landing in Peoria. No one was injured, but Copperfield said he “kind of freaked out” as the plane descended toward Peoria International Airport around 1:45 a.m. The illusionist had been flying from Las Vegas to New York to appear on the Today show.

Probably a lot of regret going through your mind if your a magician plummeting to the ground in an airplane. Lot of thoughts about all the bullshit magic shows you made people watch growing up when you acted like a big tough guy making shit disappear and pissing everyone off. Maybe wishing you didn’t prance around like an asshole taking advantage of stupid people pretending you could make buildings and national monuments disappear.

Because make no mistake if I was unfortunate enough to have David Copperfield as a friend and his plane smashed into the ground there’s a 0% chance I’m feeling sorry for him or going to his funeral. Like yeah right, I’m gonna cancel my plans, get all dressed up and feel sad and then when I get there smoke starts bellowing out of the casket and you hover over your grave doing one of your stupid fucking illusions again. Fuck you and fuck that. If I wanted to be entertained by magic I’d throw in some old David Blaine tapes where he pedo-stares into people’s eyes and freaks them the fuck out. The fact that guy was never arrested for sexual assault is more impressive than you making the Statue of Liberty vanish times a million.

PS – How absurd is that state-down he’s doing in the picture? Bro it’s not real. Get over yourself. You have legs.