(Source) Mayor Rahm Emanuel unveiled an ambitious plan Monday to establish Chicago as a hub for ultra-fast Internet service and provide free Wi-Fi in public spaces. The city kicked off its “Chicago Broadband Challenge” by turning on free Wi-Fi in Millennium Park Monday morning. “Chicago will be one of the most connected cities in the world,” said Emanuel. “The establishment of a world-class broadband network in Chicago will create thousands of jobs and dramatically improve educational opportunities, economic development, health care services, and general quality of life throughout the city.”
Emanuel said the city will seek input from the public via the Chicago Broadband Challenge website to build the network and make sure it is customized for residents and companies. Any individual, company, student, non-profit organization or community group is welcome to respond to the Broadband challenge, informally through the website, or as part of formal proposals the city will be soliciting from companies, universities and other organizations. Emanuel said his first goal is to build a network infrastructure that will offer Internet service at “gigabit” speeds, which are about 100 times faster than a basic cable modem. Google built such a network in Kansas City, Mo., that bypassed the local cable and phone companies.
You hear that? That’s the sound of every bum in Chicago masturbating his penis. And I know what you’re thinking, Big Cat, how could a homeless person get on the internet? Well have you fucking seen bums in Chicago these days? Every single one of them has a smartphone. They could be sitting in their own diarrhea dressed in a paper bag and a shower curtain and still be checking their fantasy score on their Iphone5. That’s the beauty of 2012. Its like the old saying, a rising tide lifts all boats. Except its now technological advances lets everyone masturbate remotely. I mean just think about how awesome it would be if someone walked into your house, or in this case your park bench, and said here, have some free WiFi. Instant Jizz Party.
So you know what, good for you bums. You deserved to catch a break at some point. And because I know you’re probably reading this right now on your Galaxy 3G S III I just want to say, I’m happy for you guys.