Get mad Jeff, get fucking MAD! That .128 average isn’t going to fix itself.
In all honesty though I love this move. Cubs have lost like a billion games in a row. They just got swept by the fucking Padres for christ sakes. Show us you’re still alive. That’s all I ask. I want bats being broken, I want Starlin to say his current slump is the worst moment of his life (no joke he really said this, kind of thought growing up in the Dominican drinking diarrhea water was the worst moment but whatever). Being terrible is one thing, but being terrible with no heart is something completely different. This team at least has some semblance of heart, something you couldn’t say for the past few iterations of the Cubs.
If I was in the MLB I would pre-cut all my bats like they do with tables in the WWF. I would literally break every bat I ever had. It would sort of be like “my thing”. And I know what you’re thinking, Big Cat, that’s pretty sweet of you. Well guys, that’s just how I roll. Doing sweet shit 24/7/365