Barstool Sports

Slate - Public furor rose again when Hu received a three-year prison sentence, an exceptionally light punishment in a country where drunk drivers guilty of similar accidents can receive the death penalty. But the most stunning allegation was that the man appearing in court and serving the three-year sentence wasn’t Hu at all, but a hired body double. The charge isn’t as far-fetched as it may sound. The practice of hiring “body doubles” or “stand-ins” is well-documented by official Chinese media. In 2009, a hospital president who caused a deadly traffic accident hired an employee’s father to “confess” and serve as his stand-in. A company chairman is currently charged with allegedly arranging criminal substitutes for the executives of two other companies. In another case, after hitting and killing a motorcyclist, a man driving without a license hired a substitute for roughly $8,000. The owner of a demolition company that illegally demolished a home earlier this year hired a destitute man, who made his living scavenging in the rubble of razed homes, and promised him $31 for each day the “body double” spent in jail.

You know what I fucking hated when I was growing up? When I pointed out that all Asian people looked the same. Not because it was wrong or insensitive or anything. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t, who knows. Not for me to judge. What I hated was the second I said I saw similarities some PC Policeman would swoop down on the wings of Pegasus to correct me and call me a close-minded racist or something. “That’s not true! Asians don’t look alike! That would be like if one of them said that all of you look exactly the same!” Yeah, whatever bro. Let’s put Jackie Chan and the guy who just delivered my shrimp toast and garlic chicken in a line-up and see if you can tell them apart. I bet you got about a 50% shot of getting it right just like everybody else in the world. Because you know what a sure sign is that 1 billion people look alike? When one of them gets arrested and someone else does the bid and nobody blinks. Don’t see that happening on our turf. No doppelgangers doing prison time for the wealthy here. And a good thing too, because if the real life Ned Schneebly keeps pimping gay marriage videos and Romney wins the election Barstool Chicago might be run from the can while I do a 3-5:

PS – Few years ago I was finally able to tell the difference between Chinese, Japanese and Korean people at a respectable clip. Probably get it right 75% of the time. Not good enough to start incorporating Taiwanese and Indonesians into the mix, but pretty good if you ask me. Baby steps.