Barstool Sports

(Timeout Chicago) Jon and Andrew Landan, 35, are identical twins who dress in head-to-toe neon. They live together and are rarely apart, going out at least four nights a week to charity events, restaurant openings, music festivals, Wrigley rooftop parties and River North clubs. They wear large, black-framed glasses with no lenses. They also wear contacts. They usually sport bow ties. A few years ago, they were rarely spotted without bulky headphones around their necks. These days, it’s timepieces; each twin sports several bright plastic watches on each arm. They are very, very tan.

The twins also draw attention because they are loud and pose for a lot of photos, often directing a bro-ish sideways peace sign at the friend, celebrity or quasi-celebrity they are with. Recently, this list has included Mayor Rahm Emanuel, electronic music artist Skrillex and rapper Drake, whom they met at his concert’s after-party at club V Live in Logan Square. On the party circuit, rumors about the Landans fly: They have bunk beds. They have trust funds. They don’t have jobs. This, Jon bristles at: “We’ve been working since we were 13!”

But that is the mystery surrounding the Landans—what do they do, besides go to parties and document them on Jon’s Facebook feed, a carnival of LOLz and capital letters and exclamation points? (Andrew’s page is private.) Even friends are curious. “What do you exactly do? Whatever it is…looks like an awesome job lol” posted one woman on Jon’s wall on June 5, after he put up the Drake photo.

Jon’s answer was to “like” the post. The real answer is more complicated: The brothers Landan are surprisingly business-driven and have managed to turn partying into a paycheck. (“Not partying,” they correct me during one conversation. “Interacting.”) They make cash by planning events, hyping events and getting sponsorships (i.e., companies who pay to get their products or representatives in front of an audience of young partiers). Jon does this freelance, consulting for restaurants and clubs. Andrew works mainly through his new company, Chicago Interactive Social Club, which throws monthly networking events for people in the advertising industry. Companies like job recruiting firm Onward Search have paid between $2,000 and $5,000 to do things like dole out raffle prizes and collect business cards at his events. Andrew will also tweet and Facebook about sponsors, and use their name in e-mails that go out to a list of 10,000….

I’m so torn on these schmo-hawks. If you’ve spent even one night out in Chicago in your life you’ve probably seen them parading around like a couple of technicolor midget clowns from hell. And I always hated them like any sane person does. But then I read this article and realized that these two fuckers literally Party for a living, which you’d be lying through your teeth if you said wasn’t your dream job. That’s the American Dream, doing as little as possible and still making money.

So yeah maybe you have to drop a few LOLZ on facebook and dress like an oompa loompa working the Swatch kiosk at the Woodfield Mall. Who cares? I’m proud but I’m not that proud. Being rich is literally the coolest thing anyone can do in life. People who hate on that are the same people who tell Neil to kill himself in the comment section because they’re butthurt El Pres didn’t like their little tumble blog when they tried to be the Barstool Chicago guy. Pure Jealousy. Well if snake it till you make it is the unofficial slogan of the Stool then these two clowns are exhibit A and B of how to do that.

PS
In all seriousness though, these kids are the worst. Not to mention playing bunk bed tummy sticks with your twin brother is fucking gross.