[Source] - This comes straight from the Virginia Beach Police Department. We are not making any of it up. On Sunday afternoon, a group of guys were playing soccer at the fields off of Shipps Corner. Two of the players got into a verbal argument, though no one is saying what it was they were arguing about. One of the players went and got a machete. The other went and got a pipe. Other players, braver than we are, stepped in and broke up the fight. Several players received minor injuries, which often happens when you step in between two guys going at it with a machete and a pipe. Police detectives responded to the scene, but no charges were filed because everyone involved in the incident declined to cooperate. If you take anything away from this report, it should be this: Never engage in a soccer match against an opponent who brings a machete to the field.
Had to read this story like 100 times to make sure it wasn’t a typo and this was at the Virginia Beach in America. Not Turkey, not some tribe in Africa, but goddamn Virginia. Motherfuckers just running around with machetes and lead pipes trying to kill each other in the good ol’ U S of A over some kooky soccer game mix-up. Unbelievable. Never thought I’d see the day that an American would get so worked up over such a shitty nonsensical sport. For what it’s worth though, everyone I’ve heard talk about this is saying the dude with the machete has gotta be one tapped motherfucker. Like you gotta be crazy to start brandishing that around or something. Uh, you serious? I’m thinking the dude that thought “Let me go snag a lead pipe to fight that guy with the machete” has gotta be the most insane asshole on the planet. Anyone can pick up a machete and try to slice your arm off. You gotta be like Tuco Salamanca from Breaking Bad to grab a pipe and actually go after someone carrying a 3 foot long hunting knife though. Soccer lunatics doing it big yet again. Gotta hand it to em. Nobody does crazy like the soccer crazies.