Barstool Sports

LA Times - Ye Shiwen, the teenage phenom of the Chinese swim team, denied suggestions that she might have used performance-enhancing substances. ”There’s absolutely no problem with the doping,” Ye said on Monday, according to a translation provided by the official Olympic News Service. “The Chinese team has always had a firm policy about doping.” On Saturday, the 16-year-old Ye set a world record in winning the women’s 400-meter individual medley. She swam the final 25 meters of her race faster than Ryan Lochte swam the final 25 meters in winning gold in the men’s 400 IM.

So everyone in the world is trying to get to the bottom of this teenager from China who is dominating women’s swimming in London. Ye Shiwen just swimming laps faster than Ryan Lochte right now and crushing Olympic gold and glory. Deflecting doping claims left and right with ambiguous language like “There’s absolutely no problem with the doping” which to me kinda sounds like “The performance enhancing drugs are working great so far, thanks“. Everyone’s suspicious but nobody can really get to the bottom of why this kid can swim so fast.

Uh, has anybody taken a good look at Ye Shiwen? I know Chinese people are ugly but really take a good look in there:

That’s a dude. Undoubtedly, no question, 100% man parts underneath the hood of that one-piece. China threw the world for a loop and straight up copied the plot to “Ladybugs” right in everyone’s face and nobody is calling them on their bullshit. It’s so crazy it’s brilliant. That’s why Ye Shiwen is racking up gold medals as she torches the competition. That’s why she’s swimming faster than the fastest guy on team USA. That’s why this whole thing seems suspicious. That’s why Roger Podacter’s dead, he found Captain winkie!

Hey Ye Shiwen, you’re gun is digging into my hip.